Parental Lockout Of Nuclear Codes Vexes Unstable Maniacal Lunatic Placeholder President
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Hey, remember when we, as Americans, and our military, all decided to lock Obama out of being able to launch a random nuclear strike, due to his erratic and frighteningly unstable behavior?
OF COURSE YOU DON’T, because THAT NEVER HAPPENED.
Obama is a sane, and reasonable, intelligent man. He was appreciated as a great president by all Americans, except for people who use the N-word in casual conversation, and billionaires who were vexed that they had to pay a very small portion of the taxes they were supposed to pay.
Obama was fully trusted, by us, to not start a full scale nuclear war.
And now, things have changed… Thanks to Donald J. Trump, (who now prefers to be called by his rap nickname, “DJ Incontinent Fussyhead”).
In the words of US Senator. Chris Murphy, a human from Earth:
“We are concerned that the President of the United States is so unstable, is so volatile, has a decision-making process that is so quixotic that he might order a nuclear weapons strike that is wildly out of step with US national security interests,”
Inspiring words, indeed.
So, FUN FACT: You DO know that America USED to have a hand in guiding the path of the ENTIRE WORLD? And we were the LEADERS of the free world. The big dog in the yard.
And then we got rabies,… partly due to the Electoral College (Motto: “Aren’t you GLAD we’re here as a last line of defense against a complete MANIAC ever gaining control of our country!”), and everything changed.
Other world leaders quickly learned America’s input into world affairs, is now useless and incoherent. It took them .00008 nanoseconds to come to this conclusion, on November 8th, 2016, the date of what historians will one day call “The Unraveling, and Rapid Spiral Into the Abyss”.
NEW America is still new, so it might take a year or so to fully appreciate how this will effect us economically, but in the here and now, (while “the here and now” still exists), the rest of the planet has moved on without us. We’ve been rendered inconsequential. (As Stephen King would say, as Roland the gunslinger, America has “forgotten the faces of its fathers”. He’d then go on to write a 1/2 dozen books, and play some guitar before noon, but I digress).
Here’s the point (which I just discovered, because my meds finally kicked in).
Picture a group of sane, and rational people, discussing complex and far reaching world issues that effect us all, and seated at a table. Now picture a head trauma victim wearing a clown outfit, who’s throwing his own feces at the other people at that table.
That’s us. The U.S.
Great job guys.
The world spins madly on, as the G-20 summit of world leaders changes its name to the G19.
“America first”*, has become America ALONE.
*(“America first” was a campaign promise made by a complete idiot, as America has always put its own interests first, in various, complex ways, right up until this past year, where we now put RUSSIA’S interests first).
And now, having seen the way Trump handles nuclear threats by tweeting insults — our survival instinct has kicked in and we’ve started to CHILD PROOF our ENTIRE country.
Speaking at the Halifax International Security Forum, Gen. John Hyten, the commander of US Strategic Command, shared what would happen if he were ordered to launch a nuclear strike.
“I would ask him, -Sir, is there an adult in the room with you I can speak to? Is McMaster or Mattis there? Have you chewed through your restraints? Who is watching you right now?”
Okay, — for journalistic accuracy, that’s what Gen. John Hyten WOULD SAY PRIVATELY TO Donald Trump, (who now prefers to be called by his new, new rap nickname “MC Jazzy Incontinent Dotard”). Of course, he didn’t say that part publicly. Hyten, in actuality, said other stuff that wasn’t as funny. This is what Gen. John Hyten, who’s now our very LAST LINE OF DEFENSE, actually said:
“He’ll tell me what to do, and if it’s illegal, guess what’s going to happen? I’m gonna say, ‘Mr. President, that’s illegal.’ Guess what he’s going to do? He’s going to say, ‘What would be legal?’ And we’ll come up with options of a mix of capabilities to respond to whatever the situation is, and that’s the way it works”.
Okay… um… cool?
BUT, here’s the problem I have with this. EVERYTHING Trump does is illegal. ‘Breaking every written law’: is on Trump’s bucket-list.
However, I guess the bigger picture here is that we have a place-holder president, who can’t play nice or influence other world leaders due to his idiocy and maniacal persona, OR be trusted with nuclear codes.
YAY!!
So, who would benefit MOST from this? I’m glad you asked (via the voices in my head I that always assume are you, my beloved, and deeply cherished, readers).
I’ll give you one guess, — his name rhymes with Gluten, and he’s killed, and tortured, almost as many people as gluten has!
Of course I’m talking about Russian heart-throb, the classically handsome Vladimir Putin. The NEW leader of world affairs, now unchecked.
Here’s a picture of Putin giving the MEDAL OF FRIENDSHIP AWARD to none other than our FUN, NEW, Secretary of State, Rex “Tyrannosaurus” Tillerson, the only human being Putin has ever, EVER smiled at, or considered a friend.
See, before Trump, whenever Putin would decide it might be FUN to genocide a bunch of people, we, the USA, used to stand in his way. We’d say stuff like “Dude. Not cool. Maybe chill out.” and this would VEX Putin.
So, how would Putin FIX this? Well, by making sure someone he already had in his vast, deep, far reaching pockets, would take over our country to serve his interests.
It started way back on the campaign trail, in July, 2016, when Trump demanded to make sure the new Republican platform won’t call for giving weapons to Ukraine to fight Russian and rebel forces, contradicting the view of almost all Republican foreign policy leaders in Washington.
Isn’t that something?…
For a visual, here’s a picture of all the Trump related, and connected, people who had secret meetings with Russian agents, such as Sergey Kislyak, (international fashion model, and Russian Cinema’s answer to George Clooney and Brad Pitt),
So, is there hope?
Sure there is, if we can somehow get Trump, and his team of bacterial henchmen, (and his personal Renfield, Mike Pence), removed from office within the next few weeks, it will only take 237 years to undo the damage done in Trump’s one year of terrifyingly comedic lunacy. Our children’s, children’s, children’s, children, will thank us.
Having a hand in attempting to save the world, Robert Mueller, (inventor of “No Nonsense”), has stepped in, to attempt to wrest control of the United States of America, AWAY from Putin, and back to Americans.
This reporter hopes he succeeds, before it’s too late.
Written by Steven W. Rouach
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