Paul Ryan Excited to Have a Male Figure Telling Him What to Do
“I used to like to be the renegade in my party. I liked being seen as a new voice, modernizing the RNC for the future,” Ryan said in a recent statement, “But that changed once I met Trump.”
He added, “As we get older, we realize having a male figure to guide us and make decisions for us is really a benefit. I can sit back, relax, and focus on, once again, becoming a sex symbol for the Republican Party.”
In the past, Ryan was caught having a bromance with Aaron Schock, who used to take him on his private jet courtesy of taxpayer funds. It was a whirlwind romance. Unfortunately, with Aaron Schock’s 24 criminal counts, Ryan realized it was time to grow up and look for someone older, more wise, better at evading the law. That’s where Trump came in.
Seeing each other from across the Capital Hill entrance, their eyes locked. Ryan, quickly looking away, knew he had to play hard-to-get to score a big PaPa bag of yams like Mr. Trump.
At first, he refused to agree on many of Trump’s policies, withholding his endorsement of Trump, but this only increased his yearning, his desire, to work for someone like Mr. Trump. Life would be so much easier having someone else steer the RNC party into oblivion.
“So many young people these days have dreams and ambitions,” He told the press, “They think having the right to choose is a good thing. That’s silly. Life is so much easier when you let someone else choose for you. It’s what our forefathers would have wanted.”
Hoping to take his new romance to the next level, Ryan was seen at Tiffany’s looking for matching silverware sets and even viewing leather leashes at the local sex shop, trying to find one with just the right tug to it, so that he could feel safe with Trump, while still able to offer a within reason level of resistance. After all, his mother always told him with a wink, “You can’t let a man think he has all the power.”
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