President Trump Tires Of Winning
President Trump announces he is giving up on the repeal of Obama’s signature legislation.
WASHINGTON, DC — President Trump admitted defeat today, consigning his signature piece of legislation to the scrap heap.
“The ACA is so complex I couldn’t repeal it if I tried, and I tried,” opined the leader of the free world. “I’m telling my guys, listen, if you can’t get your shit together, I’m gonna drop this and move on. Perhaps Obamacare is so difficult to repeal because it’s from Kenya. I don’t know.”
Earlier today, House Speaker Paul Ryan burst into the White House, rushing to tell the President that there were not enough votes to repeal the ACA, also known as Obamacare, in even this special vote that requires no more than a consensus of Republicans to pass. It seems the Great Dealmaker has failed to make the most important deal of his presidency.
This utter and complete failure has had a profound effect on the man, and his manner.
“I am heartbroken,” said the President in a rare personal press appearance during the breaking of bad news. “My most deeply held beliefs have shattered. I am shaken to my very core. Indeed, all that I once knew to be true has fallen into question. Can I broker deals? Is repealing entitlements even a good idea? Should I wear suits that fit? Who knows? Who knows…”
“In the end,” he continued, “I suppose I’m just tired. Tired of this exhausting exercise in getting people to agree with me. Tired of pretending I know what the hell I’m doing. Honestly, I’m just tired of winning all the time. I can’t win this one. It’s over. And I already spent my tax break on some fine high quality Ivanka Trump Jewelry for Melania… I-I’m going to bed now.”
“#Sad,” he said, as he turned from the lectern and retreated into the bowels of the White House.
The office of House Speaker Paul Ryan declined to comment.
