Problems Installing Fascism Update 2.0
Fascism may be incompatible with your system, America…
Thank you for downloading the new and updated Fascism 2.0, America!
(This program was previously only accessible in Russia, North Korea & Turkey but is now available for the first time ever in English! Please disregard the historical rumors that this is malware!)
Please wait while Fascism checks to see if it’s fully compatible with your system…
Fascism has confirmed the existence of one or more of the following required pre-installed programs:
- Misanthropic, xenophobic low-information voters with a shallow and smug belief in their own self-superiority
- Racists embittered at the fact that a highly-intelligent person of color did a empirically exceptional job at a position traditionally held by only white men
- Chauvinists who hate a highly-qualified female candidate for no readily apparent reason other than her gender
- Naive imbeciles who believe that there is ‘no such thing as a lesser of two evils’
- Low voter turn-out and millions of apathetic non-voters who willfully disdain vital civic privileges and responsibilities
- Millions of gullible social media users who take delight in disseminating demonstrably fake news
- An antiquated and undemocratic Electoral College electoral system
Fascism 2.0 FULL INSTALL will now proceed…
ERRORS FOUND!: It seems you are a Democracy.
Fascism has also detected the following additional problems and conflicts with this install:
Fascism may be incompatible with your system as it conflicts with Freedom of the Press, Elections decided by free and fair Popular Vote, morality and a basic belief in fundamental human goodness.
THIS PROGRAM WILL MAKE THE FOLLOWING CHANGES TO YOUR SYSTEM, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT: Do not worry, Comrade! Nyet problem! Fascism has deleted these previously installed programs.
SIMPLE INSTALLATION HACK: If any further conflicts are found, please to just contact a friendly Russian systems administrator who is available at all times!
Congratulations! Your system has now been made compliant…
Please wait while Fascism makes the following updates to your system…
Fascism 2.0 is now…
Confirming and updating Oligarchy…
Installing Nepotism…
Installing Plutocracy…
Installing Kleptocracy…
Installing Collusion…
Installing Corruption…
Filling Swamp…
Before finishing, Fascism 2.0 would like to know if you would like to receive the following offers (which we will send whether you like it or not):
Free Fake News from our partners at Fox Breitbart
101 Reasons why Healthcare is Bad for You!
Education, Schmeducation, Who needs it, amirite?
Why it’s never the right time to talk about Gun Violence by the NRA-GOP
Coal Mining & Other Fun & Lucrative Jobs of the Future!
Fuck the Environment — and You too, peons!
Why Billionaires finally deserve to catch a break
If you would like to delete and fully forever remove this program, please scan your system for some American patriots with the courage and conviction to put country over party so that it may be indicted, impeached and/or removed by merely installing the 25th Amendment so that your system will be fully protected by the U.S. Constitution.
Please clap if you would like to delete Fascism 2.0 from your system forever.
If you don’t enjoy the Trump Presidency, you might enjoy:
Marvelous Marginalia scribbled in GOP Tax Bill
or Late-Night Notes on Screwing the Middle Class
Famous Authors Script Bob Mueller’s Indictments
Serving Subpoenas by the Book, Fired by the Literary Canon
Top Trump Excuses For Not Attending the Royal Wedding
(Other than he won’t be invited)
