Report: March Unhappy With ‘Madness’ Nickname

Long saddled with the less-than-flattering nickname “March Madness,” the third month of the year has begun to push back. “It makes me sound like some lunatic. I’m tired of it,” March said during a rare interview with The Wall Street Journal.

The moniker stems from the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, one of the most thrilling and popular sporting events of the year. “First of all, the ‘Final Four’ isn’t held until April. How come I don’t hear anything about ‘April Anxiety?’ It’s just not fair.”

A spokeswoman for March said the month is contemplating legal action and hopes to obtain an injunction against using the name. “You want madness?” she said. Try November with that ‘Black Friday.’ Macy’s really has to open on Thanksgiving Night? Please.”

March maintains it’s a relatively benign month when you look at the total picture. “What do I have that’s so troubling, Lent? Daylight Saving Time? Not really seeing the madness here.”

March also singled out February as the potential “madness” month. “28 days? 29 days? I mean, who can keep up? Also, Groundhog Day is a travesty and February knows it!”