Santa gets 2016'd

It’s suddenly November but I aint feelin’ woke

I’ve got mad deep vein thrombosis and my feet need a soak

Dry ‘em off (mazeltoff), before a lap of the Pole

3 ho’s before breakfast, because that’s how I roll

Little Katie wants a scooter but she aint getting shit

She’s been peeing incognito in Dumb Sally’s sandpit

How bout Jimmy? Told his buddies that he’s getting a pup

He’ll get a goldfish and a ruler for telling Santa whats up

The state of the workshop? Brings a tear to my eye

Elves off chasing Pokemon, they’ve been gone since July

There’s one wannabe left, he’s the company sap

Spends the whole day on Play-Dough and he still wants a clap

But hoverboards are tricky, and they dont make themselves

Which is why I’ll soon be hiring deadbeat Shopping Mall Elves

Mrs Claus gets home from bootcamp and goes straight to the den

She’s done a 12 Week Wellness Challenge and she’s painfully zen

My cookies have been tossed and we’re now “portioning” meat

And my fridge is filled with “mylk” – who knew that almonds had teats?

The Sleigh’s seen better days, and Rudolf’s still M.I.A

Rumour has it he got rhino from some quack in L.A?

All in all, I’m feelin’ fed up with the Christmas machine…

Why you gotta be so shithouse, 2016?

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