The bad guy of the math world

It’s Monday. No one wants to be at school. For some really stupid reason, I thought staying up until 11:30 texting my hockey friend Bruce was a fantastic idea. And I wake up at 5:30. Everyone is whiny, even me. Assessments are coming up. This means that I have to make sure that we all know how to add, subtract and can write and identify our numbers to 20.

The last lesson in our current math chapter is addition and subtraction, together on the same page. Yeah, I know. WHO thought this was a good idea at the time??? I’d like to have a word with them because I think that secretly they hate kids. Six year olds in particular and just want to show them what a mind fuck is at an early age. So we go over the two examples. I can tell my audience is restless. Some actually think they have it. I give them the paper and wish them good luck. The others I walk through the whole thing one more time. I’m not expecting much. And it’s a disaster. Fires everywhere. I’m on the hoses. I put some of the kids that got it on the hoses. We are trying our best. Still a complete disaster.

My mind is yelling….REGROUP! I put them all back with me. I start over. Addition is happy! We have two people, I say as I stand with Ryan. And we have two more people, as I have Sham and Nagham stand up. Two people plus two more people is how many people? And we all get excited because we are getting more people. Hooray!!! We love addition.

Then I tell them, but subtraction is sad. That is why there is a minus sign. People are going away. I bring McKenzie up. Look! There are two people. Me and McKenzie. But McKenzie has to leave. Good bye, McKenzie! And McKenzie goes back to her spot. (Side note-miraculously she went, because she hadn’t particularly been following directions today.) Now Ms. D is all alone. Two take away one is one.

Did you catch that? I know, it is subtle, yet powerful.

Subtraction sucks. There is no way around it. You always have less. This can be less money, less food, less toys or less people. It only gets worse as you go up in grades. Then you have to figure out how to borrow from your neighbor. Thank goodness they never say no. Unless they are zero. Then you are forced to walk to the next neighbor’s house. Borrow. Regroup. Subtract. Ugh! By the time you sort all of that stuff out, do you really even care what the answer is?

Eventually you are an adult and subtraction becomes evil. You were two and now you are one. Maybe there is a lawyer involved. Chances are there is some shared stuff that you will have to give up. And now you only see your kids half the time that you used to. Your house is too quiet when they are gone. One doesn’t make much noise. One doesn’t have anyone to talk to. Well, there is the kid’s dog, but if you do that too much, you start feeling a little crazy. One is a lonely number when you have been two.

I’m sure that subtraction doesn’t want to be hated. He’s just doing his job. In fact, he tries to keep his PR up. He posts online relationship advice like….If they can leave you that easily, they were never meant for you. He is very involved in the organic food business and he fully supports alternative diets and weight loss. He loves Black Friday. Discounts are his forte. He would marry Percent, but she is also being wooed by Addition. The tooth fairy is a dear friend. His spring cleaning idea is pure brilliance. He is the original anti-hoarder. Ok, maybe that gives me a tiny crush on him. But don’t tell anyone! It’s more fun to root against the bad guy than to admit that you might need him.