The best mistake I ever made….I think?
Once upon a time, I met a man. A friend introduced us. After three hot weeks, he went silent. I’m not sure how you are, but the silent treatment drives me insane. I might not like what you have to say, but sack up and tell me. After a few days, I did get him to talk to me and we continued to see each other after that. I ran into his silent treatment three more times. Usually it would happen after we had spent time together. It was always confusing to me. You have a good time with someone and that makes you not want to talk to them? Who does this?
So, after putting up with this for too long, I take to the Tinder and meet a very nice guy. Very handsome. Very fun. Very fresh off the boat. Damn it! Everyone knows they are SO DANGEROUS!!!! So I forget about Mr. High Maintenance for awhile and have some fun, until the universe tells me to check on him. Really universe? He’s fine. I mean, he wasn’t really. He is going through a very torturous thing with his lower back, but he would say that he is fine. I fought with the impulse for half a day and finally just got tired of arguing. Well, one thing led to another and we all know where that leads, yep, I went to see him.
I know, I said the last time was the last time. But this time seemed better than the last time. I felt bold. He seemed open. I told him that I wanted to see him only. He of course wanted to know what that meant and he ended up talking to me about all kinds of things. Things were good. Like, really good. But that was always the problem. When we saw each other, it was always really good. There is something about this guy. I feel fiercely about him. As in, no one better fuck with him, or I’m going to fuck with them. Not sure what I would do, but I’d think of something.
I left the next day, smiley. More smiley than in months. Hooray! Finally. Things were good again. I could stop feeling anxious all the time. At this point in the story, you are all shaking your head at me. I know. I know. Really, I knew. I just didn’t want to know. You know?
The very next day, it started to crumble. Yeah, he was still talking to me, but he was starting to push away. On Friday, I asked him to go to a hockey game with me. Silence. Really? When I finally got a response, it was this…”I’m not a big hockey fan. Wouldn’t it be funner for you to take someone else who is more into it?” Because I have an army of men just waiting to be invited to watch hockey with me? I wish. Hurt, yes. A lot. Partially because he went to see a stupid basketball game with his friend, Sarah and he doesn’t even like basketball.
So the next part is where I fucked up. I had to know. Because I was hideously embarrassed. No one likes asking someone to do something and have them say no just for the sake of saying no. So I asked questions. The most important being— do we hang out, or was he just interested in the hooking up? Fair question I thought, when someone blows off an invite for no apparent reason.
No response for hours.
Then I went insane. For all the guys who say that girls are drama, guess what, you probably caused it. I sent more texts. I knew I was in the Danger Zone. I pretty much didn’t give a fuck. I was fed up. I was tired of trying to be the “cool girl”. I’d put up with way too much bs and it was time for an answer. Well, the answer was pretty harsh. He had been taking a nap. He woke up to a string of texts and decided that was it. “Don’t text or call me anymore.”
Oh God! I sobbed for like thirty minutes. I felt awful. I fucked up. I pushed. And the absolute worst part, is that now he can tell everyone that I am a “crazy” girl. I did send one more text. I hate being told what to do :) I said that I was sorry, and that I thought he was ignoring me. I said, be done-I’m ok with that, but don’t be mad. I didn’t mean to piss you off. Then I went home and got ready for a date.
Ok, yes, I set that up after I got the hockey game response. But you say to me, Kristin, you said that you didn’t want to see other people? Yes, that is true. It was what I wanted and I’m glad I was honest enough to say it. Just because we want something, doesn’t mean we get it. It also doesn’t mean that everything we want is good for us. Being put through multiple times of silence, was not good for me. The writing was on the wall. I just didn’t know that I was going to push it to the end.
I worried at first that I wouldn’t be able to pull the date off successfully. How can a person go from being so upset to happy in the space of an hour? But it was like when you finally rip the bandaid off. Surprisingly, it only hurt in the moment. I actually had a great time. I think it was because I was finally present in the moment, instead of fretting in the back of my mind over something that I couldn’t get to work.
So the jury is still out on if this was a good mistake. I want to believe that it is. They say it takes about a month to change a habit. I know it will kick in. I’ll miss him at some point. I’ll still worry about him. But right now, I just feel relieved. My dog and pony show is over. I would have kept trying. There was something about him that kept me coming back. And now, I can’t. Drama gone. Crazy girl, out.
