The Betsy DeVos Guide to Acing Your Job Interview

1. Trust in your God-given abilities. You have so much more to offer than whatever the job description is.

2. Confidence is key, so smile through the entire interview no matter what the questions are.

3. Experience is measured in the number of business cards you can pull out of your briefcase. Keep a portable scale handy so you can prove what a loss it will be to them if they don’t put you in charge of everything.

4. Don’t commit to any of the rules or regulations because someone might offer you a better reason to do your job differently. #sponsored #paid

5. Remember the golden rule: Subcontract unto others as you would have them subcontract for you.

6. If any part of the job involves advocating for people poorer/lazier than yourself, use this line, or a variation of it: “I look forward to looking into the matter further.”

7. If you have money in the bank, you can balance a budget. Anyone who tells you differently must have gone to public school.

8. Managing others isn’t something you can learn or study, it is something you are born with. Indicate this through your choice of accessories.

9. Don’t become distracted by the hard stares and open mouths of your interviewer(s). They are only demonstrating how intimidated they are by you.

Bonus Tip for the 21st Century job applicant: Have at least three unpaid internship descriptions ready to hand out. Yes, it’s worth it to spring for the color printing. Those twenty-somethings will pay you back in free labor within the first week.