Topical Jokes! 11–15

Trump has appointed Steve Bannon as Strategist; a man known for saying things such as “turn on the hate”. Judging by his list of racist and misogynist comments, hate is most likely the only thing Bannon has ever been able to turn on.

Despite Barack Obama’s urging of Trump to reach out to minority groups, he continues to not lift a sausage for the disenfranchised.

A bald eagle recently died after being pulled out of a storm drain. The autopsy revealed it was a suicide.

The world’s oldest man celebrated his bar mitzvah as a 113 year old. The first one was postponed due to an overbearing celebration of the discovery of fire.

An 89 year old man who loves to dig has been digging his very own grave. Having a history of back problems, relatives say he’s digging his own grave.

Apple is releasing a $300 book featuring over 400 photos of Apple products. People are outraged that it does not contain a headphone jack.

Alaska Airlines became the first airline to use jet fuel made of forest residuals to fly commercially. The airline stated that all passengers were aware of this, as soon as the plane landed.

A teenager was ordered to stand trial after not paying a fine for feeding a pigeon a french-fry. The final verdict stated that she would have to cover all funeral expenses for the fallen fry.

Canadian liberals are fighting to repeal anal sex ban. Canadian citizens stated; “now that’s a repeal we can get behind.”

It was reported that Greece edges out of recession with two quarters growth. Similarly, relative at reunion edges out of racism by commenting that they find Dave Chapelle to be a “pretty funny dude”.