Trump Orders White House Clocks Set to 1953

In one of his first sweeping executive orders, President Donald Trump has moved all White House clocks back 64 years. “It was such a beautiful time,” said the just-inaugurated chief executive. “Dino. Jerry Lewis. Remember he used to wear those funny glasses?”

Trump shrugged off the notion that he’s the first sitting president to take such drastic action. “We turn clocks back and forth every year,” he said. I don’t see what the fuss is about.”

Ivanka Trump refused comment due to the fact that she won’t be born for another 28 years.

Trump wasted little time putting his stamp on the government. Already, many WhiteHouse.gov pages have disappeared including those related to the LGBTQ community and climate change.

Ivanka Trump, who many hoped would influence her father’s attitude on social issues, refused comment due to the fact that she won’t be born for another 28 years.