Vastly Misleading and Disappointing Book Titles
The first in my series of vastly misleading and disappointing aspects of life.
I occasionally read books.
Stop looking so surprised.
And often these books that I read are of the variety that promise to enrich my life or make me a better person. “Good luck with that,” I scoff as I open yet another book ready to be disappointed once again.
But, each time I start to read, I get my hopes up. Way up. It’s hard not to, as these books have thrilling titles riddled with motivating words such as “becoming” and “success” and “you”.
It may be just me (almost definitely), but I expect that these veritable Gods and Goddesses among us who have been selected as worthy of publication to follow through on the promises in their titles.
Oh yeah, this just in, titles are often misleading and disappointing.
Such as…
Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins
This book practically leapt off the shelves into my awaiting arms. In a few short pages, the author was going to show actual proof that there is a giant ‘within’ me, and carefully lay out our morning routine. Long story short — the ‘giant’ within me was not awakened (and a surprise party had been planned!).
How to Succeed in Business Without a Penis by Karen Salmansohn
Turns out this provocative book is meant for humans already without a penis, aka women (who knew?), and not for men who are that desperate to make it in business. Where I had expected long lists of the pros and cons of penis-removal vis a vis success in the world of money, the contents steered way clear of this controversial and mostly non-existent debate.
Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson
While this book is full of motivational suggestions on how to revamp my life, it did not come anywhere close to answering the questions of where my cheese went and how Spencer, who, as far as I am aware, has never set a foot in my kitchen, suspiciously wrote an entire book on the topic.
Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine M. Pittman and Elizabeth M Karle
Lots of lots of space dedicated to handling anxiety, for some reason, and absolutely zero help on actually rewiring my brain or dealing with the conspiracy theory of how the wires got there in the first place. My guess? Alien dolphins.
Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini
Turns out this author was intending on helping women manage their inner critic, while I was interested in perfecting and mastering my mean girl act as I have a set of auditions next week. Talk about disappointing!
Even a Stone Can Be a Teacher by Sheldon Kopp
Full of sources of inspiration one can find in their regular everyday life, but, and this a huge ‘but’ in my books, after hours spent with them in the pouring rain, none of the stones in my backyard are teaching me anything. Thanks a lot, Sheldon.
How to Be Black by Baratunde Thurston
Look Baratunde, it is easy for you to say how to be black, because you are black. What I was expecting (hoping? dreaming of? wagered tons of money on?) was the tips and secrets in your book actually making me black or at least, blacker. Nope.
The Infinity of Lists by Umberto Eco
Briefly, and with all due respect to Mr. Eco, a highly regarded mind, neither the number, nor the length, of the lists in this book come anywhere close to infinite. And to think that I had already set aside the reading time! Exaggerate much, Umberto?
Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus by John Gray
Are men literally from Mars? Are women truly from Venus? No idea. Where I was expecting some proof behind this bold and brazen title, there was none. Turns out John was just pointing out how and why we are different. Wooo. Talk about your click bait.
The Bulletproof Diet by Dave Asprey
After excitedly reading this book, I followed this high protein/low carb diet to the t and then I burst into the real world full of courage and oozing with attitude. Long story short: not bulletproof. Not even close. Hopes and internal organs dashed.
