Walmart CEO Has 3some, Stocks Soar!

The NYSE opened this morning with Walmart up 512 points from the previous day of trading. The stock trading higher than ever after scandalous reports about their CEO surfaced online. Doug McMillan, the CEO, was rumored to have left the NYC Ritz Carlton with 2 Asian women, neither of which were his wife. As soon as news of this scandal surfaced, investor bros began trading Walmart stock up the wazoo and praised his leadership, and pulling ability.

The stock market has seen a drop in the past few days. Investors have been selling rapidly, due to Donald Trumps immigration ban debacle. Fortunately Doug McMillan’s unwavering ability to crush pussy has restored faith in capitalism, at least for another day.