Wikileeks: Clinton Made Squash Soup With Onions
NEW YORK — In the latest in a stream of revelations resulting from the Russian hack of the DNC server last year, Wikileeks.org has revealed that Hillary Clinton does not in fact use leeks in her squash soup, but rather she substitutes red onions for the delicious vegetable.
“What sort of elitist would avoid the people’s root vegetable? Sad.” Tweeted President-Elect Trump, from his golden yacht. “And a RED onion? She’s a pervert, obviously” he continued, as he ate sushi off the body of his naked daughter.
Wikileeks has long been criticized for accepting tips from sources suspected of being involved in Russian intelligence, but Wikileeks founder Julienne Assange hand waved those concerns saying in an interview on Fox News that “Wikileeks does not investigate our sources, because we want everyone to feel safe approaching us, and because we are irresponsible dicks.”
It has long been rumored that the Clintons use bacon in place of pancetta, and monkfish in place of lobster, but until the release of the latest batch of emails, there was no proof of any allegations.
“This is just another example of Moscow interfering in Washington politics,” said New York Senator Charles Schumer. “Next they will be accusing her of using MSG instead of salt, while we know what they’ve done is helped push the campaign of a candidate drenched in Russian dressing when they should have been using, uh, thousand island? Ranch? I think maybe I’ve pushed this metaphor too far.”
