Work Emails From Your Colleague Who Is Probably Just A Dog In A Blazer
Hi everybody,
I can’t come into work today. There is a squirrel in my backyard and it’s driving me bananas. If you have any questions, ask Carol.
Colleagues,
Did one of you bring a cat to work today? Seriously? Some of us are allergic! That was very inconsiderate and I will be following up with HR. That is seriously not okay. I am just so worked up over this cat. God!
You guys,
There’s food in the kitchen! There’s free food! Food! Kitchen! It’s food! Food!
Update: Someone ate all the food.
To whom it may concern,
I thought HR made it very clear last time that no cats are allowed in the building. I know you brought the damn cat again. Just leave it at home. It’s disgusting.
SECURITY,
THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE AND I DO NOT KNOW THEM AND I AM SCARED AND YOU NEED TO HELP ME PLEASE I AM KIND OF FREAKING OUT OVER HERE THEY DO NOT HAVE PROPER ID AND ALSO THEY SMELL SO WEIRD
Security,
My deepest apologies for the false alarm. I realize now that they are carpenters. It’s just… I’m just going to go into my corner now. Forget it. Just… just don’t, okay?
Thanks again Carol for bringing in your homemade fudge! I’m excited to finally try one of those famous Carol chocolate recipes.
Carol I don’t feel so good.
What’s the contact info for facilities? I, uh, someone threw up all over the carpet. On another note I’m feeling a lot better now.
Is the day over? Are we leaving? Where’s everyone going? Can I come? And thanks for a great first week everyone!
