You Aren’t A Sports Fan Until You Can Name These Superstars…
Us sports fans, we’re always trying to size each other up. Some show their love by guessing who they think the next World Series contenders will be, while others try to prove themselves by winning their Fantasy Football league. But are you really a fan of sports if you can’t name the top five bass fisherman?
As of writing this, the top five ranked bass fisherman are Brandon Palaniuk, Jason Christie, Jacob Wheeler, Kevin VanDam, and Andy Morgan. Number sixth is Jordan Lee. People get that one wrong ALL the time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at a restaurant and the waitress thinks Jordan Lee is the FIFTH best bass fisherman in the world…women, am I right?
But let’s not get sidetracked. It’s clear that bass fishing is the greatest spectator sport of all time. Who wouldn’t want to watch a sport where you can’t see what’s going on? Did he catch the fish? Did he not? You won’t know until he pulls it out of the water, and neither will he.
Some people love the NFL because of the big hits and spectacular catches. Not me. I prefer my sports to remain a mystery. Imagine watching poker, where not you, the casters, nor the players know what cards they have. That’s bass fishing. And that’s why I can’t get enough of it. Just look at the picture above. What better playing surface than a lake of absolutely nothing?
Everything bass fisherman do is perfect. Everything. For an example of what trash looks like, just look at soccer. The FIFA World Cup trophy is totally sending mixed signals. The trophy is four distorted people holding up a globe. What does this tell me about soccer? It tells me nothing. Except that FIFA likes to make small trophies that do nothing to glorify its champions.
Now look at the Bassmaster Elite Championship Series trophy pictured below…
Does the trophy look like a fish…
You’re goddamn right it looks like a fish.
This trophy tells you exactly what the sport is about. The design is a perfect blue, like the empty waters those sportsmen patrol. And the trophy is a big, beautiful fish, a fish who is very excited to be captured and sacrifice himself for the glory of the athlete.
Football is all about catching a pigskin. If you didn’t know, footballs used to be made out of a pig’s bladder. Meaning they would kill the pig first, then use its bladder to build a football. How hard is it to catch an animal after it’s already dead? In bass fishing, we are catching something that is fighting for its life. Yes, we have underwater GPS, a boat, finely-tuned rods, and bait, but the fish can say no. Yet, because of our talent, the fish says, “Yes.” Then when it bites the bait, it says, “Yum.” And finally, when we’re reeling it in, it says, “Holy f*ck, what have I done?”
That is why it is so amazing.
The beauty and the excellence of this sport is why it sits a tier above the rest. It’s easy to name Super Bowl winners or Stanley Cup Champions. But being able to name five of the strongest fish catchers out there says something about a person. It says your an athlete’s athlete. That you know talent, and, more importantly, you can name the top five athletes.
So go on, ask your friends who the top five bass fisherman are. Then let me know how they did. All I’m trying to do with my writing is educate and inspire. I hope I’ve done that.
Thank you for reading.
