Can gay men be sexist?

When I called myself a feminist, one of my female colleague asked, ‘How can a man be feminist?’ I replied, ‘A sexist like you will never fully understand the concept.’ My reply startled her. The popular belief is, a man can not be a feminist and a woman can not be a sexist. I had hard time convincing my colleague that feminism and sexism are not limited to any one particular gender. Although she accepted that I could be a feminist, she could not digest the fact that a woman could be a sexist.

Gay men, who are believed to make good friends with women; can they be sexist? If a woman can be a sexist, or at least if a woman can have sexist attitude, why can’t a gay man be a sexist? Sexist attitudes stem from traditional stereotypes of gender roles. In a male dominant society where a male child is given more prominence than the female sibling, a natural gender stereotype is sown irrespective of their sexual orientation or gender.

Often, one can see gay guys make pass at women when they are in company with their straight friends. There are at least two reasons why a gay man would make pass at a woman; one — to hide is sexual orientation, two — he feels entitled to make pass at a woman because he is a man.

This attitude extends even within the queer community. A bottom male is seen lesser than a top male — the stereotypical belief is that a man is at top and a woman is at bottom. Can this be queer-sexism? So, do we need a queer-feminist movement?

On a larger picture how does this affect gay men? The psychological belief of a common Indian male, irrespective of their sexual orientation, is that a woman is lesser than a man. This makes the process of coming to terms with ones sexual orientation tougher. Due to the belief, if you desire a man, you are not a man — which makes you lesser than a man.

Also, this becomes one of the reason why a gay man gets into heterosexual marriage. He believes that the woman has to serve him. He denies her the basic marital commitment — physical intimacy. He uses the gender stereotype to keep her at bay and takes advantage of his gender.

So, who is the victim here? The gay man who is forced into heterosexual marriage, or the woman who married him with thousand dreams?