Personal space and safety
Often friends reach out to me to check if I can host their friends and acquaintances in the house my partner and I share. My friend circle is very limited, and whenever they reach out; if we are in town or if we don’t have anyone staying over we mostly say “yes” for hosting people from various movements that our friends are from. And since it is only our friends or people we trust ask me, I have always assumed that they disclose that they would be hosted by a gay couple. And I expect this must be disclosed by whomever sending someone to our house. The main reason is because it is our personal space and we cannot hide our sexuality and relationship for some stranger. And I have seen my share of homophobia — verbal and physical from family to strangers. The last thing I expect is to avoid homophobia in my place.
Once we hosted a young man in his twenties. During the conversation I realised that he wasn’t aware about Gireesh and I being a couple. So I had to first come out as gay and tell him that we are a couple. There was an awkward silence and the conversation ended there. I went about my work and he got on his phone. After a while he took his luggage and said he found another accommodation and left. Another time a man said “oh I am not like that”. This has left me wonder why do people not consider that they need to be mindful while sending people to queer person’s house or while engaging with queer persons? Is this wilfully being blind towards issues that are specific to queer persons (in our case gay men, which is of course part of the larger queer umbrella). The homophobia in the progressive movements is immense, and queer issues might not be the priorities in these spaces. But the least I expect is to acknowledge that the threat, insult and unsafe situation for “men like me” is real. It is important for allies to make sure they also prioritise safety of queer persons within their movement as well as in our personal spaces.
