Buoy’s Alt-FAQs

Plus, notes about training cats and a warning against tomfoolery.

We know it’s important to answer the most common questions about Buoy, but we don’t want to neglect the rare gems that come our way. If you’ve ever had a slightly unconventional question about Buoy, we hope it’s answered below. If not, email us and we’ll try to address it in future installments.

Q: If I water my houseplants one tablespoon at a time, will Buoy be able to tell how much water I use for all my plants?

A: Yes, and you need to come up with a better system. Teaching your cat to read and hold a watering can would be more efficient. But you do you.

Not trained. Not trying.

Q: The app doesn’t have enough categories. I’d like to see how much water I use to wash my left hand vs. my right hand.

A: This is oddly specific. You could turn off the water after you wash one hand so each is a separate water event, but don’t you rub your hands together? We aren’t sure how to parse that data. You seem like a person who has a lot of charts. Maybe jot down the time spent on each hand, divide the overall water use Buoy recorded, take into account time spent on both hands...wait. No. I could’ve trained my cat by now.

Q: I have a nice rice pilaf going on the stove. Since I put water in the pot, can my Buoy tell me when the rice done?

A: No. Your Buoy is not a rice cooker. But, it can be helpful with other chores, like knowing when your laundry is done. Just watch the water flow for your laundry category, and you’ll know when it stops its final cycle. But that means you have to deal with the drying and the folding, so this really worth knowing ASAP?

Q: I received my Buoy and love the way it looks in the box. So blue! But I checked the app and it isn’t sending me any info about my water use. Why not?

A: Because it’s still in the box. Buoy is smart, but not psychic. You must actually install it on your water line to get the water data.

Q: The Buoy seems sturdy. Can I stand on it to clean the eaves of my house?

A: No. It is mighty but, alas, is not a step stool. When you’re done cleaning your eaves, stop by ours. We’re woefully behind on eave upkeep.

Q: In a pinch, can I use my Buoy as a football?

A: No. It will not hold a tight spiral. The grip is all wrong, and the weight is off-center. If you need a football for your pickup game, steal one from a child like any self-respecting adult.

Q: When it’s vertical, can my Buoy be turned into an R2-D2 droid?

A: Not everything is about Star Wars. Get over it.

Q: No Star Wars, but what about Game of Thr--

A: No. Leave it alone. Let Buoy be Buoy. It does not enjoy cosplay. It enjoys water data.

Q: Lord of the Rings?

A: Stop.

Q: How do you pronounce Buoy?

A: We say BOO-ee, but don’t mind if you say BWOY-ee. Use whichever pronunciation makes you feel jaunty and water smart.

Q: Can the lights on my Buoy be reprogrammed to flash some kind of Batsignal in the sky?

A: Not unless you’re a Gotham resident. And what would you flash in the sky, anyway? Your handwashing chart?

Q: Can I use my Buoy to turn off the water on my housemates?

A: We do not condone using Buoy’s shutoff capability for pranks, revenge, or general tomfoolery. Do you hear us? No tomfoolery. The Buoy packs a lot of power; use that power for good.

That wraps up this installment of Buoy FAQs. We hope we’ve answered some of your most urgent questions, and look forward to hearing how the cat training is going.

Do you not own a Buoy yet? Order one today! Visit www.buoy.ai, buy a Buoy, and get control of your water usage. No handwashing charts required.