𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓀𝑒 — 𝐵𝑒 𝒰𝓃𝓁𝒾𝓂𝒾𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝐻𝓊𝒷

𝕸𝖞 𝕰𝖓𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕲𝖗𝖎𝖒 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖕𝖊𝖗

My unreal perspectives on life and death

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I want to share with you an experience I had. It was in my late teens, going to my early twenties. During that period of time, I had conversations and used to hang out with what we might call “The Angel of Death” or “The Grim Reaper”, or “Mort”.

In many countries, religions and cultures around the world there are personifications of Death often depicted as a man or a woman which comes to collect a person or a person’s soul, when they die.

This story is something that happened to me personally.

I had a health condition that began when I was about 8 or 9 years old. It was a degenerative condition that affected the nervous system. The doctor at the time, when I was a little girl, said that this condition would probably take me out by the time I would be in my mid-twenties.

He also explained and gave a list of symptoms to watch out for that would indicate the last stages of the disease. These symptoms were the inability to hold things in my hands. If I was holding something, suddenly I would drop it.

And my body would start trembling continuously. As the nervous system degraded, it would be more and more difficult for me to speak or walk or do very basic things. And eventually I would no longer be able to use the nervous system and then stop breathing and basically die.

When I was about 17, I started noticing the first symptoms. I started dropping things and when I looked very closely at my hands, I could see a tiny little bit of shaking. It was there continuously and I could not stop it.

I thought to myself: wait a minute! My doctor said that I had until I was my mid-twenties.

What is going on here? I am only seventeen! It’s not fair.

Anyways, I started looking at the situation and one night I woke up as I felt somebody sitting on my bed.

First I thought it was my mom, because I was living with my mother at the time. But when I opened my eyes there was this stranger sitting there. It was a man. He was wearing a black suit and a white shirt and sun glasses. He was very skinny, black hair, white.

I looked at him for a while and he smiled and I said:

What on Earth are you doing in my bedroom?

And then I noticed that he was talking to me telepathically. So I thought:

OK, I wasn’t unfamiliar with meeting with people who have died and I had had experiences with meeting an angel when I was a little girl.

So having a being sitting on my bed in the middle of the night wasn’t that out of my spectrum of reality or experience.

I looked at him and I said, “Who are you?” And he smiled and said: “𝓘 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝓘 𝓪𝓶.” I said, “Wait! Are you death?!” And he just smiled and said, “𝓨𝓮𝓪𝓱, 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓬𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽.”.

I am like, “What are you doing here?” He said, “𝓘 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝔀𝓮’𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮, 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀, 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓶𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓫𝓮 𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓶𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓸𝓷.”. I got a bit emotional at the time. I felt it very powerfully and strongly.

Especially my physical body. He just sat there, and kind of held space for me. After I calmed down, I got very curious about him. I basically started asking him questions. The first thing was my curiosity about how real he was. The whole thing of “are you a figment of my imagination” type conversation.

He said: “𝓘 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓼𝓪𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓪 𝓯𝓲𝓰𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷, 𝓘 𝓭𝓸 𝓮𝔁𝓲𝓼𝓽.”

“So you are Death, then?”

He said, “𝓦𝓮𝓵𝓵, 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓭 𝓸𝓯 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓫𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓬𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓻𝓲𝔃𝓮𝓭 𝓸𝓻 𝓷𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓭 𝓪𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓵𝓭 𝓪𝓼 𝓓𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓱.”

And he was right, because a few years later, I met another one. And this one was a lady, a woman. Going back to this particular one I decided to call him just Death because it was simpler than calling him anything else.

It was interesting that he made me feel really comfortable about the whole transition thing. Especially for my elemental body. It wasn’t a discussion that I could easily have with anybody that I knew. My mother was not in a good psychological or emotional space for me to be able to talk to her about this or even share that I was having the symptoms already.

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So I didn’t tell her anything. Basically there was nobody else, except for… Death. And he hanged out with me, chilled and basically explained or made me feel that I wasn’t going to be alone. A lot the times when he would wake me up, because when he was sitting on my bed, even though he was a skinny fellow he appeared to be really, really heavy because my bed was leaning towards where he was sitting.

And I would ask him, “Oh, is it tonight? Am I dying tonight?” He’d go, “𝓝𝓸, 𝓷𝓸, 𝓷𝓸… 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓽𝓸𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽.”. We’d start conversations back and forth. “What are you doing here? Should you not be busy taking other people?” He would say, “𝓝𝓸, 𝓘 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮.”.

There wasn’t really anything particularly meaningful about the conversations, it was mostly that he was there. And then, at some point, the conversation turned into the, “𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝔂?” 𝓸𝓻 “𝓭𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓭𝓲𝓮 𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓷𝓸𝔀?” I decided that I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to die.

There were a ton of things that I did had experience yet. I had this intuition or this feeling that if I looked at my nervous system really, really deeply, I could understand what was going on in my mind. As I started focusing on my nervous system, I started seeing it like it was made out of liquid gold. I could feel like a tingling, an energy going through my entire nervous system and my body.

After that experience, I started having the symptoms reversing. The trembling started dissipating, going away as well as the holding on to things. Even going up and down the stairs was easier. It happened very gradually and then one day Death just didn’t come back anymore.

He was gone.

The feeling to me was, “wow, this has been reversed, I am not going to die and he’s gone.”

I didn’t see him again until many, many years later. I was in my mid-thirties (I think it was) and I had a situation with one of my children ending up in a hospital. When I went into the room who did I see sitting on the bed?

It was Death!

And he looked at me and said, “𝓗𝓮𝔂, 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓸𝓲𝓷𝓰? 𝓛𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮 𝓷𝓸 𝓼𝓮𝓮.” I said, “What are you doing here? Is my kid going to die?” He said, “𝓦𝓮𝓵𝓵, 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓷’𝓽 𝓭𝓮𝓬𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓮𝓽.”

“Oh, well, I’ll have a word with him about that!”

So I had a word with my kid and I told them, “You stop messing around with Death! He will take you, if you are not careful. And you have to make a decision. Do you want to live, then if you do then don’t play with Death anymore. And if you want to die.”

“But this back and forth and hanging out and playing with Death is not a healthy thing to do.” He decided to stay and sure enough, Death vanished.

I didn’t see him again after that. A few years latter like I said, I saw another personification of Death, but this time it was a lady, it was a different character, a different being, but her job was the same.

And she had the same energy. She held space, she was compassionate, she was not in a hurry and she made the situation feel safe. I know that Death is depicted in many different cultures as different things and sometimes as a ruthless type, but I think, maybe, we may be looking at a personification of an entity that is possibly a transitional guide, that is personified at a cultural level to help us transition.

Especially when it is taking a while or there is nobody that can help us. Anyways, that is what I wanted to share with you. I haven’t actually seen Death after that. Sometimes and in certain situations, I do feel their presence.

Particularly of the first one, that I hung out for a long time with. But I haven’t actually seen them again. That was my experience of Death, that made my soul feel awake. I felt enlightened about life, death and its transient nature. I felt awake about our very existence.

Thanks for reading.🙂

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