Wounded to Healed
I am awake — Buhubcontest
I moved from Science to arts — this is my spiritual journey.
Like a stray cat loathed with fleas in its fur, I had been burdened by the load of approval from society since my childhood.
Being a topper and a popular student was like a tightrope of expectations around my neck from which I had to struggle to break free.
That tightrope was strangulating the artist within me for so long.
My parents were so enamored with my shiny A-grade report cards that they never paid heed to my rough writing journals & drawing books that remained unappreciated in that choky cupboard; They stayed dead as the ghosts of my soul to whom I feared to be confronted face to face.
When I gathered the courage to open its doors, it led to an intense transformation — my spiritual awakening.
Here is my story-
I have cherished writing & reading poems since middle school. Writing poems has always been my soul’s expression and science has always quenched my thirst for knowing. My curiosity led me to dive deep into the field of science and I clutched its hands to safeguard my topper reputation.
Along with writing, I also love singing & dancing but I had completely dejected my artistic temperament to score good marks in exams — That is the drug of validation.
This drug is the most addictive and painful drug of all. We subconsciously constantly seek this drug to feel validated by society.
I did that for years until I passed my 10th standard exams in the year 2020 with 96.5%. Everyone in my house was rejoicing at this news but I was perplexed; Perplexed as to what to choose as my stream(a set of subjects) in high school. After passing the 10th standard in India, we ought to choose one stream among the different stream options — PCM, PCB, Commerce, or Arts.
I was contemplating whether to choose Science or Arts. My heart pleaded for Arts — where my peace is assured and my brain demanded Science — where my safety is assured. In India, it is a totally absurd and mindless act to choose Arts after scoring 96.2% as they consider arts as inferior to other subjects. I didn’t even dare to ask my parents to enroll me as an art student for fear of being ridiculed.
Along with this nightmare, the COVID-19 pandemic slammed on the door of my life and this was the beginning of my healing journey. I went into a deep existential crisis and questioned all my niches. I observed that I had started losing interest in studying science, instead Nature, art, aesthetics, healing, Yoga & meditation immersed my whole being.
Nevertheless, I still followed the herd and colored myself as a white sheep to be familiar.
An eagle raised by the chickens behaves like a chicken and gets bewitched to forget soaring high above the clouds and defying the rules of the God of winds(society).
I strived to maintain the jest of my passion for writing along with those fearful chapters of Physics but I failed miserably. When my father became severely ill with COVID-19, it made me realize the mortality of life and the value of each day. By god’s grace, my father recovered & I learned to have faith in god. The pandemic made me realize countless life lessons & the terribly transient life we live in.
I healed the pattern of people-pleasing within me & learned to accept my authenticity. Alas! I studied only to pass my exams just like I did in the past but this time I studied not to impress others but to escape the role of being a science student to pursue my literature heart. I secured 76.4% in my high school final exams and finally released a sigh of relief. By the time I passed my exams, I had fully embraced my writing spree.
After high school, I was again burdened by the tedious task of enrolling in a University. That phase was the most jeopardizing phase of my life & after much heavy contemplation, I decided to fully commit to my writing passion. Even though I was extremely puzzled by the constant pieces of advice I received, I still stood my ground firmly; The ground that was built by the concrete of my efforts over those last 2 years.
I chose to be an English literature student. Yes! The journey to my true self was overwhelming at first but the investment that I made in myself came to its fruition. I courageously chose my heart — the heart that stayed stranded in my cupboard.
Even though I am mocked for my choices in life, I still live a bondage-free life; A life that will bear its fruits sooner or later. My parents are also satisfied with my decision upon seeing me happy & content. I thank God a thousand times a day for his effervescent grace on me that has removed all illusions; The illusions in the area of love, money, fame, image, and success.
Now, I truly want to be a contributor; a social servant in my life & my writing will play a huge role in my mission — My mission to heal millions of souls who are decaying inside their closed cupboards.
I hope my personal experience can free your soul.
Vulnerability is a rare gem & once you adorn it, your life flourishes forever.
And my writing has enabled me to highlight my vulnerability to everyone….
Fearlessly I live….
I am open to receiving tips. I would love your appreciation for my work.
