Baby Activate
Last night, I looked at Dmitri and didn’t recognize him. He was noticeably larger than I’d remembered. His hair had changed, too. It wasn’t wispy baby hair, but manly curls; oily and shiny in the light. Most different was his face. It was as if in the span of 24 hours he’d become more alert. His eyes were intent. When he looked at me, he was interacting with me in a way he hadn’t before. He wasn’t just a mush, but a more active participant in the world. Scanning. Observing. Learning.
My wife credits Dmitri’s metamorphosis to a “leap,” the term we use for developmental milestones. This leap, happening right after he turned one year old, is a doozy. It’s taken him from baby to toddler. Dmitri can crawl to things and use them to come to a standing position. He babbles in more complicated patterns — da-ma-do instead of just day-day. Most importantly, he sees my wife and I. Like really sees. Not in the “I see mom and dad over there” but “I see mom and dad over there. I wonder what they’re doing. I’m going to observe what they do an emulate them or pass judgment because I am starting to develop judgment.”
It’s a stark reminder that I have a solemn responsibility to teach Dmitri the ways of the world. Not by my words, but through my actions. I can tell him not to stuff food into his mouth (which he loves to do), but it won’t mean squat if he sees me at the dinner table shoveling food into my mouth. Not that I do that (ok, I definitely do that). What’s worse is I’ll have to stop picking my nose. How can I scold him for doing so when he can sting me with the retort, “I learned it from you, Dad!”
Being a parent feels a lot like Life says, “Hey, good job mastering that, why don’t I add this to the fray. Oh, you haven’t mastered it yet? Too bad. Catch.” It’s hard work and stressful. I feel like I always have to be “on.” I always have to be at my best. Of course, the whole process is also extremely rewarding. The most rewarding part of my life. Because for all the mistakes and speed bumps along the way, I’m learning how to be the most important thing I’ll ever be in life.
Dad.
