Baby Makes Friends (and Enemies)

My wife joined a Mommy and Me class at a local baby gym. Ostensibly, the class is to help Dmitri socialize, but he doesn’t really need any training with that. He’s the most sociable baby I know, smiling at everyone and generally not doing that whole crying thing in front of strangers. No, the Mommy and Me class is more so my wife can get out of the house. She’s been trapped inside the past few months. Plus, now that Dmitri is old enough to be a bit more germ resistant, it’s good for him to meet people.

Apparently, Dmitri’s already made a few friends at baby gym. There’s Nigel, a cute little dude who sits next to Dmitri and babbles at him. Nigel is a decent chap. I wonder if he has some kind of British heritage. I mean, isn’t Nigel the most British name ever? British people are good. They have a good sense of humor.

Then there’s Avery, a little baby girl who held hands with Dmitri! Thankfully neither of them can walk on their own so they can’t elope with each other. At least not without parental support, which I don’t intend to give. I assume Avery’s parents are the same, but I’ll keep an eye on them to make sure.

Of course, life is both Yin and Yang. Where Dmitri has a friend in Avery, he also has an enemy in another girl named Avery. This Avery pulled at Dmitri’s hair!!! Who does that! I asked my wife if she called Evil Avery a fucking bitch, but apparently you can’t call an infant a fucking bitch because they don’t know anything. I’m not sure if that’s true. Dmitri doesn’t pull anyone’s hair. Actually, he pulls my wife’s hair all the time, but that’s different because he’s a perfect angel.

Not a fucking bitch.