The Invisible Baby and A New Bus Shelter

Things I wish I could have said, but didn’t:

To the woman who shared a seat with me on the bus this morning: “Move over Momma, your butt’s not that big.”

So there’s this man on my bus who talks to people who others cannot see. The things the invisible people tell him make him afraid. Sometimes I wonder if it’s normal to see these people and it’s really the ones who have lost the ability to see them who are at a disadvantage.

So Scruffy Insurance Guy was telling me about his new fry-o-later and how he has mastered the art of making fried twinkles. Then he went quiet and I asked him what was wrong. He told me that he had seen on the news that a woman on a motorbike had been struck and killed by a Duck Tour vehicle. We just stood in silence after that, waiting for the bus. I mean, that’s a real conversation stopper. I was thinking how no one really wakes up and thinks today is the day I’m going to die, much less get run over by a boatload of tourists. And then I had a more selfish thought about how maybe I should try a fried Twinkie before it’s too late.

So there are all these new characters at my afternoon bus stop. Purple Babuska Lady, Always Eating Potato Chips and Pants Too Tight with her three children Small, Medium and Large. But the most interesting new characters are the Skinny Couple and the Invisible Baby. They always bring an empty stroller to the bus stop and take great care not to upset it when entering and leaving the bus. Today the stroller had a plastic shield attached to it to protect the Invisible Baby from the rain.

Good News Day — We have a new bus shelter! We’re all very excited, especially Purple Babuska Lady who is studying English and can now keep her homework dry. A new character arrived today, Points with Cane. The cane is used to accentuate a high point in conversation, such as “cars on this street go too damn fast!” (points with cane) or to try to make a not so funny joke seem funnier “the fish over there must have lost their scales…” (points with cane toward the Naked Fish Restaurant). Points with Cane’s master plan is to invent a remote control that will allow him to control all the buses.

An alarming update regarding The Skinny Couple and the Invisible Baby — the baby seems to have actually vanished. We haven’t seen the stroller for days. Even more astonishing is that with the advent of warmer weather Mrs Skinny Couple has shed her outerwear to reveal her baby bump. Mr Skinny Couple comes round to the bus stop much less frequently as he’s spending quality time with a male friend who likes to rock climb. Today Mrs Skinny Couple. took the bus alone after arguing with her assumed husband over the fact that he had taken away her cigarettes. He and. Rock Climbing Guy were on their way back from the Shell station where they had purchased 2 bags of chips and 24 cans of Mountain Dew.

Today a total stranger asked to borrow my cell phone to make a call. I said no and am clearly getting disapproving looks from my bus mates.

Mental note: Never take a later bus again. I had to stay longer at work than usual so missed the regular bus home by 2 hours. The people on the late bus are really odd. One of the passengers (who hates immigrants, homosexuals, Catholics and anyone who owns a car) started harassing two others because they were minorities and presumed gay. I could see the situation escalating and didn’t know what to do, so I tried a completely crazy tactic and engaged the moron in civil conversation. This turned his attention to me. Fortunately we discovered quickly that we are both from Pennsylvania which apparently creates a bond of brotherhood between strangers. Eventually he got bored talking to me and fell asleep. I must have that effect on people.

Watching cute little sparrows collecting bits of straw for their nest from a busy highway is a stressful way to start the day. It’s like watching children play in traffic.

Today the integrity of our new bus shelter came under scrutiny. We noticed that it shook as a truck drove by, so naturally we started speculating about its ability to withstand a windstorm. Quiet Always Wears A Hoodie said that he watched the men assemble the shelter from across the street and that when they finished they realized that there were a lot of pieces left over. Either not knowing or caring where the parts should have been attached, they tossed them into the dumpster. He then shrugged and went out of the shelter to sit on a nearby rock. Scruffy Insurance Guy tried to reassure us by stating that we are probably more likely to be struck by lightning than killed by a bus shelter. “That’s how those people are!” said Points With Cane (pointing toward no one in particular).