Struggles of being an Entrepreneur with a handicap
So, I am handicapped, so what? You could get hit by a truck and die just crossing the street, have you thought about that?
This is my story and how I struggle with a lot of things, but constantly thinking about my legacy isn’t one of them!
It’s quite tough being diagnosed with a degenerative disease at the age of 22. Your early 20-ies you’re supposed to go out and have fun, do drugs, not the legal kind, and drink a whole lot. But suddenly your world crumbles. You fall in a deep hole. You have to change your life quite significantly. You will have to answer questions that you didn’t think you’d have to answer for the foreseeable future. My mom helped a lot in this time of depression and suicidal tendencies. I thought for a long time about ending my life and just be done with this. It was the end of my university career and everything seemed so dull. There was little to look forward to everyday. Up until Aramis joined me in my life. However Aramis and my mom are the main reason why I am and why I can be.
As the degenrative process quietly progressed. My mood went the opposite direction. I started enjoying my life again. Making new friends and revising old friendships. Just the prospect of ending up like my old man didn’t stick well with me. He’s the reason why I have Spino cerebellar ataxia, a form of ataxia for which there is no cure. He passsed away in the summer of 2013 after struggeling with the end form for about 6 years. He was in his late 50's.
The year 2013 — an idea was born
But 2013 was not only the year my dead died but the whole curtain of alleged privacy came crushing down, due to the Snowden revelations. I worked as an intern UI/UX Designer for a noteable gaming publisher. And quite frankly I was really surprised by the amount of sensible data said gaming publisher shared with not only posssible leads and other gaming development studios via insecure and not encrypted Email. So I searched for a better solution. Quite recently Lavabit, the secure email service had to close down because it refused to share a vital piece of its infrastructure. I searched and searched to impress my superior and to maybe enable him to in turn impress his superior to adjust the publishers email policy. But I couldn’t find any easy to use, nice to look at piece of software, that offered what I wanted.
So I decided to become a startup founder. To have my own company. But I always had that mission in my mind. To make the internet a more private and secure plae again, one in which free speech wasn’t recorded and not every plain text email sent to your neighbor gets archived in a server somewhere.
The mission: Make the internet private and secure again
I’m a political science major. Luckily I found people who like me believed in the mission and worked for next to nothing. But it became abundantly clear that we were not going to make it happen with just air and love.
So I did what every founder should do and I gathered my Co-Founder and we went to hunt for capital fish swimming in the sea. We soon had to realize that though “normal” founders would get hundreds of thousands of dollars just pushed down their throats investors were hesitant when I explained to them truthfully that this disease is degenerative and that I would be lying if I were to know, if tomorrow Iwould be in the same fairly good condition that I’m in today.
At that point I started to see a change
I noticed a change in the way most of the investors I spoke to so far behaved from that point onwards. In the beginning they were all very interested in the project and generally impressed by the fact that we knew so much about what we’ve been talking about. But it all came down to me being disabled. Yes, we live in a society that is supposed to be open. Yes, we live in a time that is supposed to be different. Yes, integration of disabled people is valued so highly in politics and across the industries. But the fact that I am constantly reminded of how little I’m worth and that I am supposed to be thinking about what the company is going to do after my demise, because I am fucking handicapped, is retarded!
Maybe I should’ve started all of my talks so far with the words, yes, but it’s not going to affect cognitive functions. So, I will still have the same wit, the same sense of humour and the same sense of pride, even if I’m unable to walk alone or talk without hiccups. It’s not fair not to be taken seriously just because I don’t adhere to physical standards. It’s not fair to be seen differently because I walk funny and sometimes have difficulties talking freely.
I am fucking handicapped
I neither drink nor smoke, nor do any kind of drugs. Not entirely true but I doubt that you’d cosnider an anti allergy drug a harmful substance. Even then, I get a ton of shit, not only from potential leads that I talk to but also from random strangers on the street. I have a few stories here.
Building a great company is not about the Founder or the person in charge. It’s all about assembling a team. And that’s what I’ve done. Assembled a team that is capeable and committed to the idea of making the internet a safer place for all of us. And it’s not about my legacy any more but about our legacy. Because that’s the real challenge a founder faces, finding people who are as committed to the idea as you are and being able to contribute as much to it.
As this is my story it has to end on a happy note. Now I am 25, 3 years into the struggle and I can say aloha to the years to come. I’m looking forward to seeing my (adopted) kids grow up and being able to attend to their needs and maybe have Aramis join me on my journey and if he dies another one of his kind. I am an entrepreneur with a handicap, but there is always someone who will support an awesome idea.
If you are that person head on over to Indiegogo to support me and my team in the mission to make the internet a more secure and safer place. We are currently running a crowd funding campaign with a little over 2 weeks to run. Anything helps us. Share the campaign via their Like and Tweet Buttons, or share this post.
