You Know I`m No Good

23rd Feb, (In)visible Differences is here. How do you feel about your domestic space and domestic duties? Are they resricting or liberating you, mentally?

Duty is obligatory to others or self. I enjoy my duties as a citizen, a wife, a daughter, a friend, an artist and whatever profession I find myself in.

As a woman of colour, I found myself justifying my being and decisions quite often daily. Not in a momentous way, but exhaustingly in granular fashion. Like London is almost more or less raining. I am often irritated by people in constant stream.

Domestic space and duties are often the only time I feel completely posese autonomy over. It is deeply therapeutic for me to clean my house routinely and thoroughly. I don’t find the tasks tedious and in fact I look forward to it. It is akin to acts of nuturing. Like a poem picking out words that rushed to the frontal lope at once to deliver a communication of emotive intentions. I clean and arrange everything I have a duty to in my mind in an orderly fashion to give myself perspective.

I soldem misplace anything in my responsible enviroments. If I can not find it in my mind, it is not there to be found. Having that certainty is empowering in a private and powerful way.

As a true introvert, it is often about the private things. It anchors me as a cititzen in a London.

I found the city equally enriching and draining all at the same time. If nothing, it is a place with a lot to give. I don’t just mean the hubbub of business,tantrum of the politics, or the games of the Market. The city in its own physical furniture has charm and mystique like a veiled lady deep in thought to the knowing eyes.

Domesticity is gentleness in tactile. It is also drudgery and imprionment. To have a roof over my head has caused enough anxiety month to month has driven me to the abyss of despair frequently. In homes, and eventually the home of own being, I found solace, melancholy, optimism and life.

Sitting at a glass dinnig table trying to catch an article before the day starts, I think it saves me sometimes when I let it: the domestic chores remind me everything is just one task at a time.

Some times, the sun can melt away a field of sorrow. I pray for the strength to carry me through today. I don’t feel very strong today, Hanna. That’s ok too.

Do you think being a woman is a super power? Do you have a heroine? Could you tell me a story about her?

I do not have a heroine. I have never been a fan type of person, the one who would have obsessive personal feelings for an artist or a famous person because I appreciate their work.

I am also not an obsessive music fan either, but a woman in music is the one that I would like to talk about today.

The closest I have to a personal heroine is Amy Winehouse, whose music is truly revolutionary and artistic. She has a distinct sound to the entire of her music, not just her singing voice. Many people get inspired by the 60s recently, but barely anyone made anything original out of it. She is the exception. She also wrote her own lyrics, which are excpetionally honest and exposing in comparison to other songwriters who achieved international recognition.

She is also one of those people who use their appearance expressively. Fashion is personally very important for me. Everyone judges you by how you look, and it`s better to use it it for your own purposes. I also think it is a form of honesty. Wear your heart not on your sleeve, but on your whole body.

The only one who did the cat-eye in an original way? Probably.

Her personality reflected both in her music and her looks. She has achieved in her work what I am often hoping for, to be unapologetically vulnerable. It is difficult for most of us to admit that something is not right, even to the ones who are closest to us. We feel the need to appear in certain ways that are different from our selves when we are aware that we are seen.

I remember reading a long article about her in Rolling Stone. It was written in 2007 during her tour in the US and Canada, following her through several stops of the tour. It becomes obvious she is an incredibly intelligent and conscious artist who takes her work seriously.

Mark Ronson talking about the creative process of Back to Black

She was also admirable as a human being and I would argue, people would take advantage of that. I suppose it is a teenage thing to say, but I stand by it, I see myself in how she appears to be in her personal life, even though to a lesser extent. But anyway, I would probably only like to think I am that good.

Personal moments during the research process

I am not necessarily the biggest fan of confessional art, but her work lacks the soppiness of most *I`m exposing myself* songs and writing. Her work is feminine but not in the stereotypical way.

You are a female visual artist. Do you prefer your work to be looked at through the lense of that or rather genderlessly?