GoT Power Rankings // “No One”
In this week’s episode, several characters either remembered who they are, realized who they might be, or reaffirmed who they were all along, further advancing one of this season’s themes: always be true to yourself. Here are this week’s rankings.
1. Arya
A girl isn’t A Girl anymore. With an assist from Lady Crane, Arya was on the road to recovery after being stabbed by the Waif when her wanna-be assassin shows up again to finish the job. After a chase through the streets of Braavos, in which the Waif display seemingly superhuman speed and strength, Arya leaves a bloody hand trail to lure her pursuer right into a trap. Activating what we can only hope she named “Operation Blackout,” Arya cuts the lights in her hideout and gives the Waif the Elle Driver special, removing her eyes before slaying her. Somehow sneaking back into The House of Black and White, Arya gets a nod of respect from Jaqen H’ghar as she declares herself Arya Stark of Winterfell and strides off to head home.
2. Jamie
The Kingslayer confirmed this week what has been clear about him since the beginning—Cersei is his motivation for everything. This is a very sweet sentiment if we all continue to ignore the fact that they’re siblings. Propelled by his insatiable desire to get back to the Queen Mother, Jamie threatens to catapult poor Edmure Tully’s infant in order to get Edmure to exercise his power as Lord of Riverrun. Whatever your stance on using babies as projectile missiles, it’s tough to argue with results, as Jamie’s strategy leads to his troops (mostly) peacefully overtaking Riverrun. He even gets to help an old friend in the process. Which leads us to….
3. Brienne
Long the most honorable knight in Westeros, Brienne’s commitment to her values continued to serve her well this week. Reunited with her former road trip buddy/love of her life, Brienne appeals to Jamie’s sense of honor by convincing him to let him try to negotiate with the Blackfish. Seeing as Blackfish is a crusty old curmudgeon, her appeal to his honor isn’t as successful, but even he recognizes what a noble knight Brienne is. Sensing the writing on the wall, Brienne and her well-endowed squire Podrick escape, but not before silently waving goodbye to Jamie. When will these crazy kids get out of their own way and get together already? Or are we headed towards a Brienne/Jamie/Tormund love triangle?
4. Sandor Clegane
Successfully on the trail of the men who slaughtered his congregation last week, Sandor fully returns to his violent nature. Using his trusty axe to literally spill guts, The Hound makes his way to the Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr, the leaders of the Brotherhood Without Banners. He negotiates the right to murder his targets and even gets some free boots out of the deal. Post-executions, Beric and Thoros try to recruit Sandor into the Brotherhood as they head north to fight White Walkers, telling him that it’s not too late for him to do some good. Perhaps we’ll see a kinder, gentler Hound in the future—at least as gentle as an axe murderer can be.
5. Tyrion
Sure, his plan to negotiate with slavers may have backfired, but he deserves to be ranked solely for the Herculean feat of getting Grey Worm and Missandei to loosen up for the first time in their entire humorless lives. Motivated by not having someone to drink with, Tyrion is desperate enough to play the “drink or you’ll disrespect your Queen” card to get the duo to down some booze and tell some jokes. He even reveals his desire to have his own wine: Imp’s Delight. If this isn’t in real wine stores by next week, HBO is doing it wrong. Plus, now that Dany has returned to Meereen, she’ll probably find a way to fix Tyrion’s misstep with the slavers, hopefully leading to more interpreter jokes from Missandei.
Dead last: Cersei
After unleashing The Mountain on a Faith Militant and daring the High Sparrow to come at me, bro, Cersei is devastatingly betrayed by her own son. With the Sparrow snaking deeper into Tommen’s mind, the King bans trials by combat, declaring it barbaric and old fashioned. Since Cersei’s ace in the hole is her decapitated happy mutant bodyguard, this is a major — potentially fatal — blow to the Queen Mother. Is this really how you treat your own mom, Tommen? Who raised this guy? Oh, right. Perhaps the mysterious information Qyburn has for Cersei will reverse her fortunes, but for now she’s left banned from her royal son and facing more of the High Sparrow’s brand of justice.
(Dis)honorable mentions
Missandei. Did she come up with that joke on the spot? Someone get this girl in improv classes, she might be the next Wayne Brady.
Brotherhood Without Banners. They really spend their time sticking their fingers in each other’s butts in the middle of the wilderness?
Bronn and Podrick. These two need a Rush Hour style buddy comedy franchise.
Grey Worm. First joke he ever tells makes the girl he has a crush on laugh. Every middle schooler’s dream come true.
