GoT Power Rankings // “The Door”
Well, if that wasn’t as soul crushing as a fantasy show about ice zombies and dragons can be, it’s hard to imagine it getting much worse. Even this week’s title, “The Door,” is a reminder of the episode’s cruel end reveal and how unfair life can be. Tough start to the week, amiright? Here are this week’s power rankings.
1. Sansa
Little Sansa Stark is all grown up. The show’s resident caterpillar-to-butterfly metaphor, Sansy finally began to spread her colorful wings this week. Her mercy in not killing Littlefinger may not have been mercy at all, just recognition that he will be useful later on. She even lies to Jon, seemingly her greatest ally, about her meeting with Lord Baelish. Sansa may finally be understanding how to play the game—she’s come a long way from helplessly watching her father get beheaded. She’s still doing her own sewing, though? Brienne can’t be cool with that.
2. Daenerys
Everyone’s favorite lady was barely present in this episode, but still managed to gain influence. She sent Jorah away (again) with an impossible task, but got to hear him confess his love before he left. Plus, her squad back in Meereen has managed to negotiate peace — an uneasy peace — but it’s tough to argue with less slavery. Not satisfied with this, Tyrion recognizes the need for Khaleesi to get credit for the lack of violence. So Khaleesi gets another powerful follower in Kinvara, a fire witch who wastes no time reminding Varys he has no balls when he questions her. Gotta respect that. For real though, where is Dany getting all these new outfits? The Dothraki ladies were sitting on fire that Yeezy would appreciate.
3. The Greyjoy Siblings
Fine, their power-hungry uncle admitted to killing their father and convinced the people of the Iron Islands to make him their king, but Yara and Theon gained a big ally this week: each other. *pauses for your tears* Theon proved himself to be a real first wave feminist, as well as truly loyal to his sister, by backing her claim to the Salt Throne. They now have an asshole uncle to deal with (who doesn’t?) but showed they wouldn’t be pushed around by stealing all the best ships and forcing Euron to start from scratch. Seeing as the last attempt these two had at working together ended with Theon opting to live in a dog cage, this is quite an improvement.
4. Arya
A girl is given another chance. Seemingly a worse fighter with her eyesight, Arya begins the episode being battered and reverse class-shamed by the Waif. However, after being given another assassination assignment, Arya channels her inner Rusty Ryan and does some top notch recon work, sneaking backstage at the local repertory theatre to gain intel on her target. Jaqen H’ghar made it clear she won’t get another shot (and evidently hates curiosity) so Arya really needs to nail this murder. Either way, at least she’s developing useful hitman skills for the future.
5. Cast and Crew of “The Bloody Hand”
What a performance! How are there not more completely poetic plays about our characters throughout Westeros? How are these shows not performed in the real world? Who wouldn’t go see old-timey plays from the world of Game of Thrones? Particular shoutout to the production designer, whose cartoonish sound design and use of spaghetti-like gore really brought it to life. And more shouts to the guys who clumsily fumble across the stage holding scenery. Not to mention the actor that played Ned Stark, who may very well be early lineage of Ricky Gervais. This was really an excellent breath of fresh air in a brutal episode.
Dead last: Bran
You done messed up, son. Let’s take stock of the damage. Age-old magical protection of the cave — lifted. Ancient race of forest people — wiped out. Three-eyed Raven, his wizened old mentor/tree person — destroyed. And, of course, poor Hodor. If he’s doing anything but weeping the next time we see him, Bran might be the most heartless character on the show.
(Dis)honorable mentions
Jaqen H’ghar. The world’s gloomiest tour guide. “Welcome to the house of Black and White, death comes to us all. Enjoy the gift shop.”
The White Walkers. These dudes really move around Westeros super quick. Just killing it in the worst way possible.
Daario. Poor guy is forced to watch his bae cry over another man—one that’s turning into a stone monster, no less.
Penii. A rare GoT phallic appearance.
Brienne and Tormund. Can’t wait for their rom-com. Can’t wait for their big, bad-ass babies.
