Awakening — Reality vs Expectation
How does it feel to go through an awakening? And what does "awakening" even entail? Let me bring you a bit closer to the answer with my story…
After 9 months of deep focus on going inward I started understanding the word Awakening. Before all this experience I thought that awakening is a single event when I suddenly become a Buddha. Like I’d get to the point when everything dissolves including my ego and it stays that way. Little did I know… Now I understand that an awakening is the expansion of consciousness, where one is essentially becoming more self aware. Awakening is a moment of the time-space continuum when one becomes closer to the authentic self, when she puts her pink glasses down and when the perception of reality changes for good. But at the same time, it’s so subtle that nothing really changes. Paradox of life, I guess…
Awakening is that millisecond when you decide that this is not how you’ll lead your life ever again. Awakening is that one heart-break. That one mind-blowing documentary you watch. That feeling of stuffing your face with jackfruit so you swear not to eat it ever again and you won’t (right, Freddie?). The mid-life crisis. Even the quarter-life crisis that I experienced 3 years ago when I quit Heineken. Those all are awakenings. And then there are awakenings to higher consciousness. The greatest self awareness being that of the source and that all is you, all is unified. This greatest self-awareness was unlocked for a few and you know them- Jesus, Buddha, Eckhart Tolle, Sadhguru, Nikola Tesla, Jim Carrey, and plenty of others without a big name who were and are shining light on this world through their creations without even realizing they indeed are enlightened.
I was gifted with tapping into this greatest self-awareness in a series of events, each of them bringing me closer and closer to the source, to one consciousness. And when I experienced the absolute oneness in one of my meditations, I was blown away. The eclipse New moon energy was in the air and that definitely contributed to my experience. When the meditation got super-duper-intense I felt the urge to open my eyes and then… I was paralysed, I could and actually had the will to only move my eyes.
The very first thought that came to my mind was — “Wow, this is an alien planet. I’m not from here.”
And then the thoughts were not coming much, I was only sitting in my meditation pose in an absolute awe of everything around and inside of me.
What I realised was that there was no empty space. I could see particles of light, I could attune to different densities of vibrations. I was and was not. I was all and I was emptiness — all at the same time.
The body and the earth below me being the heaviest but there were also electromagnetic discrepancies in the surrounding area that I could see. Later I’ve learned that a human eye can see only 1% of the light spectrum — so the 99% of what exists is invisible. In that moment I saw more than just 1%. I also heard way more sharply. And most importantly, I could also feel everything. I was one with all, yet I was nothing, an emptiness itself. It was a profound trip to the unknown that lasted for hours. It was a state of absolute bliss.
There’s a story about how I got to that point, both in terms of smaller awakenings on my journey and the meditation techniques I used, but it’s not something I want to deep-dive into now. The purpose of this article is to just clarify the word Awakening. After that moment in Namal Uyane (the biggest Rose Quartz crystal mountain in whole Asia) everything changed and not in a way I would expect. Yes, I was literally high like on psychedelics without any substance for a few following days and my thoughts were manifesting at a rapid rate. With that, my spiritual ego grew. “I’m all enlightened now, I have to preach it”. And with spiritual ego comes also a downfall to lower density of consciousness.
So here I am, on ground zero. Again. I experienced this beautiful awareness and wisdom that I need to integrate in my life. I need to surrender to the flow of consciousness and get my ego out of the way. Because when ego doesn’t run the show, infinite opportunities open up. Opportunities for further growth, for being the channel of light, for creating a better world. All of it without any effort, it just comes to me. I’ll get there after some more awakenings that will keep happening till I simply AM.
What changed since then is that there are different anomalies in my meditations, or at least I perceive it so. An example of this is hard to understand for a linear mind. My heart chakra is strong and I could always feel immense bright light emanating from the chest area. At one point, however, I felt and saw this grey cloud taking over my chest. I didn’t understand it.”Am I sad? Am I heartbroken? What the f**k is happening?!” I couldn’t comprehend it as I was fairly happy 99% of the time. It lasted for about 2 weeks when my Instagram feed got flooded with messages about the burning Amazon, the lungs of our planet. And then the information clicked and the grey cloud got lighter. It’s shocking how my energetic body is attuned to the energetic field of the planet. Everything is interconnected. Human beings are just a fractal of the mother Earth. What’s happening on planetary level is also happening on the personal level — just not everybody has this awareness.
This is one of the examples when I felt and knew something that I couldn’t have known otherwise. I’m learning to distinguish whether the visions I’m having are related to Simona or to somebody else. It will take an awakening or two (a.k.a. a lot of them) to get to that point. Till then, I’m just surrendering to what is, to the impermanence of life and to the flow orchestrated by higher guidance.
What I know though, is that globally there is a massive wave of Awakenings happening. So many people just in my immediate circle are remembering their true essence. Their mission for this life. Their higher calling. And they are aligned with it, standing strong in their own unique light. Ascension to higher states of consciousness on a planetary level has just begun, there will be more stories coming up. There’s a big shift of consciousness taking place and it will hit full power very soon. I don’t know how it will manifest, I just feel that a massive change to the world as we know it is going to happen in January.
Nobody knows what will happen but at the same time we all have the capacity to create a world worth living in.
The first step is to look within, get clarity on who you are and what can YOU do to create a better YOURSELF (for yourself and by yourself).
If you are going through a period of life when nothing makes sense and you feel that there is more to life than the reality (or rather an illusion of it) you are in, it is a sure sign you are awakening. As my spiritual guide E puts it “From the greatest pain and darkness, comes the greatest opportunities for growth and return to Light. The healing journey from darkness back into Light is where the wisdom is found, and the master is born.”
Neither stars shine without darkness. We need the darkness to grow and to be reborn lighter. Each awakening that is oftentimes perceived as the darkness is a stepping stone to a more aligned you. And that’s very natural, it’s part of this cosmic joke called life. Breathe through it, shine your light and consciously upgrade your being.
Dance, dance between the light and the dark, dance through the storms, just dance! Despite all the challenges, our precious life is to be enjoyed so let's not waste another second vibrating low. Rise! Expand! Dance!
❤️
