Anxiety and Depression
Adjusting to a World Where I am No Longer Bipolar
After Two Decades of Medication, My Diagnoses Have Changed
In 2003, I was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder after a single manic, psychotic episode. I have detailed this in other articles.
On January 4, 2018, I had my last drink of alcohol. I, therefore, recently celebrated my fourth anniversary.
Alcohol-induced psychotic disorders involve secondary psychotic episodes that may be similar in presentation to other primary psychoses but arise due to alcohol-related conditions. Alcohol-induced psychotic disorders are treated simply by abstaining from alcohol.
My new psychiatrist, an MD with over 40 years of experience, began by removing my litany of bipolar medications: Depakote, Lamictal, Trazadone, Lexapro, and Zyprexa. I suddenly became alive and was able to feel emotions.
I still have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), for which there is no conventional medical. My medical marijuana helps. I have a generalized anxiety disorder, which I now treat with Klonopin. I am clinically depressed and take Wellbutrin as my new drug, which has stopped me from crying and being more negatively emotional.
The preceding substitutions represent quite the change in drug regimen. I have had to undergo a significant psychic reorientation. More importantly, I have lived since 2003 with a diagnosis of Bipolar I Disorder, and now I learn that the previously diagnosed manic episode is appropriately recharacterized as alcohol-induced psychosis.
For one thing, I can no longer blame my bipolar disorder for lapses in judgment or otherwise for being an asshole. I have to own those actions as my own and not the product of a disease.
Maintaining my sobriety is even more paramount than it already was. In addition to all the other harmful things that would happen if I resumed drinking alcohol, I might go psychotic and end up in an institution.
I am in a much bigger segment of the pool. Probably half of the AA members suffer from depression, and in the pandemic era, anxiety is twice as common as it was before.
Bipolar I Disorder is diagnosed correctly in less than two percent of the population. I bid a fond farewell to that elite group.
But it does not change the fact that the police mistreated me when I was psychotic or the need to continue fighting police brutality! #BipolarLivesMatter. https://www.BipolarLivesMatter.org.
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