Fighting the Urge for Poison
Getting Through a Craving Without Relapsing
The importance of a multi-layered advance strategy and plenty of tools
Getting sober is easy; staying sober is the challenging part. My fellow people who have alcohol use disorder and substance use disorder need practical advice on fighting the urge for a recurrence of poison to stay in remission from the diseases. This article is a product of my personal experience of staying sober since 2009 and not having had a drink since 2018 or cocaine since 2012. My qualifications in this area are well-established.
First, suppose you have alcohol use disorder (the appropriate scientific term, not “alcoholism”) or substance use disorder (formerly “drug addiction”). In that case, it is natural to crave your poison from time to time. I use the term “poison” rather than “drug of choice” because (1) there was no choice for me when I was using, and (2) “drug of choice” sounds like you could easily choose something else. Poison is (slowly) killing you — yet your disorder (a disease of the brain, after all) compels you to crave your forbidden poison and continue imbibing it.
There is no shame in craving your poison (or relapsing) because it is a symptom of your psychiatric disorder. As far as the science goes, I am going to suffice it to state: “pharmacological studies in humans, have indicated that several neurochemical systems contribute to neuroadaptation to alcohol. For example, the neurotransmitters dopamine, glutamate, gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), and endogenous opioids, as well as the neurons that respond to these molecules, may play a role in the development of reward memory.” Raymond F. Anton, MD, “What is Craving? Models and Implications for Treatment,” Alcohol Research & Health, Vol. 23, №3, pp. 165, 167 (1999). Please follow up with the article for more science.
I do not cite the scientific literature for the specific chemical mechanisms of brain chemistry. I emphasize to you, the reader, that if you have a use disorder, your brain chemistry naturally generates a craving. Everyone you meet, even those who stopped using the first time and stayed stopped, will confess to having dreams and desires. You should not feel guilty or scared for having cravings and fantasies about use. They are natural.
You must have a contingency plan before you encounter such cravings (and you will experience them someday), so you have an advance plan on how to deal with them. The first thing you need to do is retreat to a safe place if required. You guessed it, my number one place for cravings is when I eat dinner and watch sports in a bar. I know that ordinarily, I can do that without an appetite, so if I get one, things are bad. You may also be at a wedding after dinner where everybody is dancing and drinking a lot. Step one in dealing with a craving is to get away from the poison and find a safe place, like home.
Next, you immediately try to change the subject in your mind. The Big Book recommends that you turn your attention to another alcoholic by working with them. The book does not say “sponsoring them.” Just pick up the phone and call someone. Technology gives you the ability to develop chat lists, join Messenger of WhatsApp group, and you should use all of that.
The biggest tool in my sobriety tool book is my Messenger program and my contact list. The advantage of Messenger is that it tells you — somewhat accurately — which of your friends is online now. You just click the phone or camera icon, and bam, you can talk with a friend or several. If you have a sponsor or someone with experience helping you stay sober, call them. Confess your urge. Ask for advice.
At this point, some people pray, “Dear God keep me from a drink.” But it doesn’t have to be a prayer. I like to just express a desire for help to the universe: “Please keep me from a drink.” The important thing in my mind is that you hear yourself say the words. The suggestion becomes more effective.
One cliche in the rooms is “do whatever it takes to avoid that first drink.” If you are up for it, this is also an excellent time to try meditation. I used to clean my house. I also smoke weed, and I find two dabs of concentrate to keep me couch-locked and away from my poison. Some people pig out on ice cream, donuts, and other junk food. But we need to do anything possible to avoid going back to our poison and getting hooked again.
I will be blunt. I am sober primarily for health reasons. Until I internalized that the desire for one sip is a “life or death” matter. I got close to death a few times. The fact of the matter is that I have use disorders. The disorder makes you want to drink poison all the time until it kills you. You must resist.
The final advice is “go to a meeting of some kind and confess.” It can be AA, NA, SMART recovery, GRASS: Green Recovery and Sobriety Support, or wherever you can go. You should go even if you don’t know anybody, it’s not your fellowship, and it’s in some other country. None of that matters. At the top of the hour, go to a Zoom meeting, share, and confess the urge.
The above are tried and true. Just remember, no matter how bad your day is, if you stayed away from your poison when your head touches the pillow, you had an excellent day! I would love to hear from you whether this worked or did not work or if you have a few more tricks up your sleeve.
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