Tough Decision
I Cut Off a Friend I Made This Year
He Was Not the Only One. What Are Your Red Lines and Boundaries?
2021 has been the year of “issues with friends.” This year, in a GRASS meeting: Green Recovery and Sobriety Support, I met and later became friends with a young man who lives down south, I will call “Timmy.” Timmy and I hit it off, and we spent many nights on video chat, smoking joints, and talking about life. I would encourage him to finish his 4th Step. He had someone else as a sponsor. I was just a friend with more extended sobriety helping a newcomer.
A couple of Sundays ago, he called crying and told me he relapsed on his destruction drug after attending an art festival in a nearby big city. I do not have a problem with that. I have no problem that he procured the cocaine from a sex worker. I would have had no problem had he gotten busted for possession.
But he crossed a red line. He told me that he called his ex-lover and threatened the lover’s life while he was back home from the big city. Timmy was charged with stalking, a felony carrying a 2 to 10-year sentence, and picked up by police. A mutual friend said she “stands by her friends” and tried to make me feel bad. I told her I do not side with domestic abusers.
Block, block, block, unfriend, my trend continues.
I lost another friend who I met in law school in 1985. He and I used to drink and smoke pot together and occasionally do some blow. I will call him “Jimmy.” Jimmy and I shared another thing. Starting in the late 2000s, we went downhill fast. He went into rehab, dropped out, and kept drinking. He got two DUI’s since then. I have seen videos recently of him falling on his face, rolling on the ground with a bloody head. I got onto the recovery train in 2009 and have not had a drink since January 4, 2018. I still smoke my medical marijuana. Nevertheless, Jimmy called me a “Carry Nation” for begging him to stop drinking.
I could not bear to watch Jimmy slowly commit suicide at this point. He has liver and brain damage. I had to cut him off. That one really pained me, but it was terrible for MY sobriety to stay involved in his life. Block, block, block, unfriend.
I cut off another friend that I have known for 10 years. He’s a rabid anti-vaxxer with borderline personality disorder who infuriates me. I cannot handle that kind of negativity in my life. Block, block, block, unfriend.
I had 540 friends on Facebook. Now I am down to 201. I eliminated people who did not speak to me or respond to me. A lot of these were “status friends” that I kept for feeling important. I don’t need them.
I will block anyone who harms children, commits sexual assault or domestic violence. I do not care how long they have been my friends. I must set borders and boundaries to preserve my sanity.
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