Anger, Frustration, Grief
No Room for Excessive Toxicity In My Life!
Now I Have to Detox — Starting by Return to Writing
Lately, I have taken to wallowing in my self-pity, and it’s not pretty. I have been weeping out of the blue, I have disrupted my sleep patterns, and I am so depressed I often do not want to talk. It hurts.
I had a root canal on December 20. It felt great for two days, and now adjacent teeth are in pain, and it fucking hurts! But I have to start over. To allow anything else is to concede to my demons and addictions.
I tuned in to the Rose Parade. That ought to cheer me up. As will tons of football. Some analgesics instead of fucking antibiotics is too much to ask for in this day and age.
I am writing this article. I will shoot for at least 25 total in January. I need to write regularly not to feed the algorithm but to feel alive. I had a very scary December. My desire to write went by the boards. I am sorry to those of you readers who expected more from me. I am not a machine, though. I have to be motivated by my muse.
January is looking to be an exciting month. I have my fourth sobriety anniversary on January 4, my most prolonged period without alcohol. I also want to finish my book manuscript this month. On January 12, I am going in for heart surgery. In short, I will not be running out of things to write about this month.
So what has my only problem been lately? I’ve been feeling like shit. My friend died, and I still randomly burst into tears. A family member is very sick, and we are worried. I am very ill, and we are afraid. COVID-19 postponed our concert, so we ate the cost of non-refundable hotel reservations. Instead, we sat around the house watching football.
We will be watching football all day (again) today. No point going out into the COVID-ridden streets. I am beginning to think the whole 2020’s suck.
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