Daily Insights

How to Improve Your Relationships Through Mindful Active Listening

Still your mind to be a better listener

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

How many times have you had a talk with someone, thinking you were actively listening to them, only to realize later that you can’t remember what they said?

Maybe, you got distracted while they were talking and completely missed the message altogether.

Communication is the Most Crucial Factor in Any Relationship

Listening is the most essential communication skill in any relationship. You might think that silence is something passive that’s not useful in communication and relationships, and yet it’s the very foundation for a place of calm and clarity from where we can hear what others have to say.

Excellent communication consists of two parts. The first part is our ability to be present in the moment to listen to what others have to say, free from the distraction of our inner chatter. The second part is being open to what the other person has to say by not clinging to opinions too tightly and avoiding reactive thinking. But we tend not to be very good at either.

If you’re like me, you have a natural tendency when you think you’re listening to actually be thinking about what we want to say next. It’s like we want to be useful to the other person in the conversation by already having something prepared to answer with.

To an extent, your ego also wants you to look good to the other person or seem smarter. Thinking like this is sometimes conscious, but usually, you’re not aware of it because you’ve done it that way for so long. Don’t feel bad, it’s completely normal, and it’s something we can improve on.

Once you hear what the other person has said or what you think they said you can often react without being open and fully processing their message.

If you’re trapped in your own thinking and if you’re particularly attached to an idea, an opinion or belief, it’s tough to be present, curious, and interested. Often you hold opinions so tightly that you’re not open to what the other person is saying. Sometimes you may not even remember why you cling to that opinion…