Liberation Through Spirituality and a Full Body Orgasm
Our dear friend talks about her journey towards sexual liberation through intention and spirituality.
Omni-Sexual / Female / 23–27 / North America / Single
“Oh boy, what’ve you gotten yourself into,” I think to myself as I approach the classroom…
So it’s basically one big orgy? Not quite. It has occurred to me that the sexual education we receive (if any) is vastly inconsistent and watered down, depending on what country or even what state we spent our adolescent years in. Growing up in the great state of Texas, it had dawned on me that the majority of information I received around sex, intimacy, and what pleasure even means came from sub-par state-mandated programs in Health class, personal experience, and of course, pornography. Each have their own biases in helping one horny pubescent human understand the complexity, integratedness, and magic of sex. This workshop on spiritual sexuality would truly help me appreciate the uniqueness of any intimate experience.
You see, from a very young age, I recall being fascinated by sex. Ever since the glorious morning when five year old me realized my Alice in Wonderland video tape was mysteriously taped over with some hot and steamy adult film by an older male family member (back in the good ole 90’s when public TV was yet to be censored), I knew there was something to look forward to as a naked adult with other naked adults. Like most others who grow up in the States, specifically the South, I learned in school that sex was to be saved for marriage. I learned that if you have sex before marriage your genitals would look like molding pizza and fall off. Most importantly I learned how expressing curiosities and initiating conversations about sex are taboo in our culture- especially if you’re a female. As a young rebellious teen, dissatisfied with the state-funded abstinence only approach to sex-ed, I took it upon myself to explore my own sexuality in the years to follow. Responsibly and consensually of course.
In this exploratory phase, I witnessed many of my peers, both male and female, feel pressured to engage in sex under the pretense that this would make them more desirable to a hopeful mate. There was a consistent undercurrent of thought, somewhat along the lines of, “If I’m willing to go past second base with so-and-so, my friends will think I’m cool and the other person will want to keep hanging out with me”. While embarking on this journey to explore my sexual curiosities, like many, I first turned to pornography to begin building my knowledge on what sex ‘is supposed to be like’. This set unrealistic expectations of what I or my partner ought to do in the situation. As the years went by and I began to experiment, a wide spectrum of experiences began to unfold. Some left me feeling powerful, confident, and giddy, and a few others left me feeling cold, funky, and ashamed. I laughed off sexual incompatibility and inexperience as a character flaw in others when things didn’t go so well and I would observe my own emotional attachments begin to form when things did go well. It was a very strange set of experiences to process as a teen, and often left others feeling very uncomfortable when my openness would get the best of me.
In college, I found myself surrounded with a close-knit group of older guy friends. My band of brothers and I did everything together, from working out, eating every meal together, to attending music festivals and parties together. We shared common interests as well as the same openness when it came to discussing our sexual appetites. For once, it felt good to be cheered on and recognized for my sexual adventures amongst my brothers. Yet, once news escaped our inner circle, I became re-attuned to one of the biggest and most destructive double-standards within our society. At least in the small conservative town of College Station, TX, the general reaction to sexual progress and victories in this realm are so diametrically opposed depending on your gender. It was painful and confusing to see my male peers celebrated for their sexual conquests while my sexually active female friends and I shared the exact opposite fate.
For a brief moment along this quest of self-discovery, I, like many females, felt shame associated with my sexual expression.
I found myself asking how something so inherently natural, so pleasurable, and so potent is creating so many dysfunctional social dynamics?
Ironically, it was not until age 21, when my hunger for spiritual growth finally pushed me to prioritize Spirit/God in my life that the Universe offered me a chalice to quench my thirst for sexual knowledge.
I had first heard of the Quodoushka teachings when my close friends who lived at the Ashram, the Rudra Center for Enlightened Awareness, returned from their experience beaming with smiles and embodying an undeniable state of serenity. I was curious. When I soon after learned this was about sex, my curiosity multiplied. I moved to the Ashram at age 23 to formally commit myself to spiritual growth and heal from a huge break-up. A few months later, I learned Amara Charles was hosting the Quodoushka Part One Workshop about spiritual sexuality at the very Ashram I was now living at. Talk about everything unfolding at the perfect time.
I had very little information going into the workshop, but high confidence this would have a positive impact in my life. All I knew was that these were the teachings passed down from multiple generations of Native American elders, and that they addressed sexual energy as a vital and foundational energy for basically everything in life. Why is this so important? As Amara puts is it…“Through deepening our understanding of sensuality and pleasure, and developing our healthy, joyful expression of our sexuality, we increase our spiritual sexual connection and our life force energy. Thus, we learn to use the natural power of our passion and desire to create our lives.”
At the beginning of the workshop, I felt nervous, but in an exciting way. I watched the instructors demonstrate each exercise and explain different variations of the exercise depending on your comfort level. I felt a big wave of complete comfort and non-judgment fill the sacred space. For each partner exercise, we were taught how to set clear and honest agreements and have complete autonomy over how and how far we liked to take the exercise. As an ambitious eager young grasshopper, I began gulping the first half of the chalice. I was on fire, in my shining, fully raw and expanding fast. Never in my life had I felt so comfortable and empowered being fully raw in a room full of mere strangers a handful of hours ago.
The teachings revealed to me the interconnectedness of our sexual energy to all other areas of our life, and how it was both natural and very healthy to have orgasms and experience sexual pleasure as frequently as one desires. It framed the purpose of sexual energy and sex in such a beautiful holistic view that I would have never been exposed to through Western teachings and ideals. All the shame, old pain-tapes, insecurities, and barriers of communication that come into play during sex and intimacy were addressed in a safe and loving sacred space. Old wounds were brought to light, witnessed, and healed.
It was not until one of the last days when I would learn the Fire Breathe tantric breathing exercise. This was no ordinary ‘kumbaya’ breathing workshop. Legend tells of full body orgasms without any sexual, let alone physical, contact through this technique. Now, I was no stranger to the female orgasm. Yet, I felt a bit skeptical and intimidated to fully surrender to this experience at first.
As I laid down and relaxed in preparation for the exercise, I decided to fully open and give in to what would soon to be the orgasm of my life. The instructors cued us in on when to breathe and which energy centers (commonly referred to as chakras) of the body to focus on creating breathe loops between. For example, by placing a left hand on the base of the sex organs and a right hand on the navel, we can start focusing on creating a breathe loop between the two chakras. We would continue doing this until the ultimate loop was created from the base of the sex organs to our crown chakra, right near the crown of the head.
I could feel the energy expanding within me, swirling upwards through my body, until …. WHOOOSH. This burst of energy spiraled out through the top of my head and I just felt what can only be described as divine love/self-love radiate and rain all over me. It was so overwhelming, I was brought to tears, the best kind of tears. Every cell in my body was vibrating, and I felt this unshakeable inner-peace and knowing that I was right where I needed to be. I realized in that moment that I was most deserving of my best quality of love. I had the tendency to think I needed to give and invest my love externally, and then subconsciously measured my worth depending on how that love was reciprocated back to me. In that moment, I realized it was not selfish, but rather in everyone’s best interest to love myself first and foremost.
I proceeded to lay in the garden for 20 minutes, experiencing the squirrels, the trees, and the wind in a way that transcended the senses, almost as if I had become one with everything. The oneness of it all. In this pure state of bliss, I made an incredible connection with a handsome gentleman while sitting together in the gardens of the temple. Little did I know, I would later come to fall in love with, travel overseas with, and move across the States for this beautiful soul, but that’s a whole other story.
The moral of this story is to say yes to the unexplored terrain of your sexuality. There is potent healing, soul growth, and insane inexplicable pleasure to be had, so long as you are open and willing to receive.
If you enjoyed this story please recommend it by clicking the heart and remember to subscribe to cambyo to read more stories that explore sexuality.