It’s Ok to Not Be Ok

Cam Cheline
Sep 5, 2018 · 3 min read

The credits started to roll.

“That’s it? It’s over?”

The very last episode of Adventure Time was finished. It was the end of a crazy and insane journey through the weird world of Ooo. I’d like to say I knew what was going on, but it was fucking trippy.

Cai began weeping. Head in his hands weeping. He was upset it was over and didn’t know how to control his emotions. I wanted to think it was the beauty of the ending that got to him. But he was genuinely upset. He couldn’t believe it was over. “There has to be more.” His disappointment in what he saw as a sudden ending he wasn’t prepared for led him to emotions he wasn’t prepared for.

So he broke down.

Then his tears turned to disappointment in himself. For not controlling his emotions.

“I’m sorry,” he told me repeatedly.

I took his hands in mine and told him what I’ve had to tell myself over and over again for years.

“It’s ok to not be ok.”

He needed permission to let go. He needed to know sometimes you will be sad. Sometimes you will be disappointed. Sometimes you will not be ok.

I told him to take some deep breaths and repeat it.

“It’s ok to not be ok.”

He asked me, “How did you go from being depressed to being undepressed?” I said it took me this long to realize that I didn’t have to have it all together. That I needed to give myself room to not feel ok. To not feel like being depressed or down was wrong. That I needed to “get better.” I was ok. I didn’t need to be someone else at that moment. I needed to be ok with not being ok.

Then I told him that he was awesome just the way he is. That he is valuable. That he is loved, but that he can also love who he is right now.


I’d like to say it ended there and he went to bed feeling loved and finding new insight into life. He learned a great lesson way ahead of me. So now he was able to tackle life in a way I never could at his age.

But for the next 30 minutes, he beat himself up over “ruining the night” and not ending the day on a good note. “Can we start over?” He likes to say.

“It’s past your bedtime. I’m not saying goodbye for 8 weeks. Just 8 hours. I will see you in the morning. I don’t want to hear anything else. I love you. Good night.”

The crying continued. Silently.

“Am I a bad parent? Is my kid going to think of his angry dad before his loving dad? Am I more concerned about my kid going to bed on time than the struggles he’s dealing with?”

I felt bad.

I have a ways to go myself.

He was sat up in his loft in tears. I came into his room. Climbed up. Didn’t say a word. Laid down with him. Rubbed his back. Stroked his hair. (His two favorite things he’s always asking for at bedtime) Until he fell asleep.

Tomorrow maybe I’ll do better. Tonight I’m going to let him know it’s ok.

camikaze

Cam Uncensored. Unfiltered, wreckless writing

Cam Cheline

Written by

Dad. Designer. Doer of fitness type things.

camikaze

camikaze

Cam Uncensored. Unfiltered, wreckless writing

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