SSS3-Z
Ifunanya ran into the hostel room, panting.
“JAMB is out o! JAMB is out o!”
Immediately, Temisan jolted off her bed, narrowly missing the jutting end of Derewa’s broken hanger.
“Ify, don’t let me vex for you o. Do you want to give me heart attack?”
“But I’m not lying. JAMB scores are out. I heard Mr Barnabas say that someone got 350. 350! That person just did scatter to finish for JAMB. Give me 250 and I am already in the university. I dash them the 100 marks.”
A cluster had formed round Ifunanya, intrigued by her sensationalism. Questions bounced from person to person, as speculations increased.
“Who got the 350?”
“Ify said Mr Barnabas didn’t tell her.”
“Who else could it be but Matthew? Isn’t it obvious?”
“Tega said her big sister in university said JAMB scores can be unpredictable.”
“That’s true. I heard it’s not automatic for the person who comes first in class to have the highest mark in JAMB.”
“As for me, I just pray I pass. My parents said they don’t want to hear any stories about any of my SSS3 results. And I can’t afford to wait till next year before getting into the university.”
“Na so. That’s what they always say yet they get high scores.”
The chatter soon veered off to other topics.
“Does anyone know if Ify saw the Omo Oroki bread truck drive in?”
“Bamfola, that’s true o. You just reminded me. Felix owes me half bread. We had a deal, half bread for half spag, and I told him it must be white, soft, middle bread. If he gives me any yeye bread, I won’t give him the spag. He kuku knows; I don’t take nonsense.”
“Where is Ruth? Yes, Ruth, I want to send you to your friend, Ariyike. Tell her I saw her when she skipped my table yesterday evening in Dining, when she was serving extra from the Romi bucket. I’m just watching all of you these prefects.”
“Wasola, did you hear the gist about Tinuola’s deal: three meats for Peju’s snacks throughout Fasting and Prayer?”
“She even went as far as specifying the snacks she wanted: rockbuns, fish-roll and búgan.”
“Imagine. Sharp brain that someone should use for book, she is using it to memorise the snacks roster.”
“I heard it was because she didn’t want to go to the sickbay this time around. The nurses already know she comes only during Fasting and Prayer.”
“Emem, what’s the time? 5 o’clock already? Siesta will soon be over. Oya, let’s go and pick our housewears from the line.”
“Joba, shey you will help me arrange my locker tomorrow? I want it to be neat, exactly like your own.”
“Room A girls, I am still looking for my ceremonial wear o. It won’t be funny if I don’t find it before Sunday. I’ve said my own now.”
“Iretiyimika, please lower your voice. Some of us are trying to sleep. You are the one always pursuing intruders away from our room. So it’s unlikely anyone came to steal it. No one in their right mind would want your wahala. Plus, I still saw your pinafore on the rack this morning- the exact one you were raking about two days ago. Have you checked the rack very well?”
“Like you didn’t see me checking just now. See, whoever took it should just give herself brain and return it this night, or else…”
“Attention everybody! I have an announcement to make. Awwn. You all kept quiet just to listen to me. I feel so special right now. So, what I want to say is that…”
“Fimihan, talk if you want to talk jare.”
“It could be one of those her dry jokes again.”
“Ahn ahn. Naomi, do you always have to be such a meanie? Anyway, I just wanted to tell the owner of this green bucket that I have borrowed two bowls of water. Nobody should come later and say I fapped their water. You all heard me when I was asking now o. Ehen.”
Ignoring them, Temisan walked past the bucket, now empty, to her bunk bed. Tense, she could not read the slurm book Sylvia gave her anymore. She thought about how her exam went. Unsurprisingly, it had been tough. But she did her best. According to Ifunanya, Mr Barnabas affirmed that all the scores would be pasted on the notice board the following Monday. Until then, she steeled herself and took it off her mind. She flipped through the pages of the slurm book, chuckling at the invented monikers, marvelled by the awkward pet peeves her classmates wrote of. She smiled at the documented declarations of their hopes and dreams, “where you see yourself in five years”. She quipped with a sly grin at the revelations of (not so) secret crushes and XtraCool besties, “I said it! I knew he liked her.”
“Temisan, see how you’re seriously jacking the slurm book. Relax o, it’s not Ababio. Just do quick so I can read it too. Kelechi said he will collect it from me in class, during night prep today, so please be fast,” Sylvia said, interjecting her thoughts.
***
Ifunanya was at it again.
She sang exuberantly, a crowd of junior students gathered around her quipping intermittently, “Senior Ify, congrats.”
The modified song lyrics rent the air, as Rita drummed on the side of her locker with the sturdy back of a brown wooden hair brush. Her Royallux cleanser slipped to the floor, but she ignored it, caught up in the euphoria.
“6 years don waka, we still dey carry go, nobody waka, nobody go solo. Baba God o, our case o, na your grace o, a dupe o…”
Temisan walked up to the ruckus.
“Ify, what happened again?”
“Temisan, I passed! I passed JAMB o! And I checked your score. You passed; you even got a high score, yet you were saying the exam was hard.”
A junior student walked past in that moment, dropping her “Congratulations, Senior Temisan,” as Temisan joined in the singing.
[Written in reminiscence of my last days in secondary school. All characters are completely fictional. Any uncanny resemblances or similarities to an actual person, dialogue, or experience are purely coincidental.]
