Why “straight-acting” needs to go.

(NB this post doesn’t talk about faith or religion at all.)

This is one of my biggest bugbears, so bear with me. I’m going to start by talking more generally about gender within gay circles, and then I’ll try to explain why the term “straight-acting” needs to be binned in order for gay rights (and, given the dominance of gay men within LGBT+ circles, LGBT+ rights too) to move forwards.

Firstly, let me start off with a quick gender expression 101 for anyone who’s not in the know. Everyone has gender expression. Put simply, it’s the natural expression of how we personally experience our own gender. For the majority of folks, this means they are mostly masculine if they are men, and mostly feminine if they are women. However, everyone is a mixture of both. For example, women who wear trousers could be seen as more masculine than women who only wear skirts and/or dresses, since historically patriarchal gender norms in the West dictated that it was inappropriate for women to wear trousers. (I won’t go into this here, but I’ve just opened a 300% extra free can of worms.) The only reason that it is accepted is because in that sense feminism has had some success: since masculinity and being a man has been the norm in western society since time immemorial, it is acceptable (or should I say, more acceptable) for women to increase their social status through the adoption of traditionally masculine roles, demeanour, clothing, etc. However, because femininity is rejected in favour of masculinity by patriarchal thought and societal norms, it is seen as a kind of “debasement” for a man to wear a skirt or a dress.

Anyway, I digress. Essentially, the majority of men are masculine and the majority of women are feminine. Some of us break the heteronormative, cissexist patriarchy’s rules, but even within gay men’s circles, these gender guidelines are all too often followed to the letter. Despite all being men, there is nevertheless a binary of masculine and feminine men. “Lads” and “queens”; “mascs” and “twinks”; “straight-acting” and “fems”: call it what you want, but it’s all basically the same thing. We as gay people consciously or unconsciously sort ourselves into one of these two binary categories. It’s like the Sorting Hat in Harry Potter, except it’s a part of our own (sub)conscious. Isn’t this directly contradicting what LGBT+ liberation is about – casting off the shackles of gender norms and being free to be who we are? It’s like the shopping scene in White Chicks. So why do we insist on forcing ourselves into these rigid boxes that are completely arbitrary and don’t actually really fit anyone?

It’s a very complex question, and not one I can fully answer here, but a large part of it is definitely internalised homophobia. Some people don’t want to be seen as being gay, because for whatever reason they see it as being worse or less than being straight. I would argue that the stereotypical “yaaas Gaga slay” gay guy is actually stronger than the the stereotypical “straight-acting” gay man. Huh? That doesn’t make sense to your patriarchy-immersed brain, does it? Someone with feminine gender expression being stronger than someone with masculine gender expression? Essentially, someone who crosses gendered boundaries such as gender expression is immediately in an obvious minority, and it’s not something they can particularly control. Being in a minority isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, but someone who is “obviously gay” is more likely to be discriminated against than their “straight-acting” counterparts – after all, straight privilege still exists. It therefore follows that someone with alternate gender expression from societal gender norms is going to get weird looks and potentially be attacked, raped, etc, because of their gender expression. However, men who conform to society’s norms in their gender expression are universally accepted, probably because of their social privilege.

I’m digressing again so I’ll keep this last section short and sweet. What I am saying is that the phrase “straight-acting” needs to go because it enforces the “yaaas Gaga” stereotype of gay men. It reinforces the gender binary within LGBT+ circles. And it somehow equates masculinity with straight men – an obviously flawed idea. We as LGBT+ people (and allies) should be fighting the fact that society is dripping with unnecessary gendering, not furthering it. To sum up in a sentence: no tea no shade hon, but you don’t look so straight when you’re having sex with another man.