So I was thinking that if somebody could build a rocket ship (maybe get Richard Branson on this or someone with the brains and guts of Branson), just maybe we could send them back to that Black Hole between the ages of 12 to 18 years old. While they are out there maybe they can finally make themselves helpful and find all those missing socks. What? Did you think I would want to leave them out there all by themselves? Of course not, they will have chaperones… isn’t that what dads are for?
Now where was I…
Teens are snarky, teens think they know it all, and they don’t make their beds. They use bath towels at the same rate that they use tissues, and they throw them wherever they want. What is up with the four showers a day? They act like they are in the first grade when asked to clean their room or put away their stuff! But they still get those showers into their schedule.
They claim they are tired, hurt their back, have a headache probably from watching everything on their phones. They claim they can’t shovel the snow or wash the car because of back strain, toe pain, shoe pain, “but Mom I had a hard day at school” pain. However, rest assured I am a walking testament to their miraculous recovery in time to hangout with friends despite the physical setbacks that challenge them daily.
My son recently had a cold and he laid in bed acting like he was dying. I asked “excuse me, but is it necessary to play the Clash of Clans on your phone while blowing your nose and eating Doritos, all at the same time?” He looked at me with a stunned expression and tried to explain his current predicament with the clans. And this is my problem, how? I then said, “No you may not buy another booster pack and stop wiping your fingers on the sofa cushions. I am tired of the dog licking the cushions. Pretty soon I will be able to stop buying her dog food due to all the food she finds behind and on the cushions.” Of course this was met by a dull teenager look.
Now let’s pause here because poor dad is left out of the equation and we don’t want to leave him out there in the black hole. When my kids approach their dad about something he is usually in his office. If they must approach him, it is usually with a little bit of trepidation and a whole different voice that they only use when talking to him. I almost don’t recognize them when they start off with such meek and syrupy words and the “um, dad… I was wondering.” Anyway, I found the great chart below that pretty much sums of my husband’s response to the kids.
Of course, my husband helps with the kids. My husband is known around our house as Captain Deep Pockets. The Cap’n works as a commerical airline pilot for one of the major airlines and pulls in a little more money than my motherly duties due to the fact that he sits in the left seat of the airplane. Translated quickly he sits on the left side of the cockpit to fly the plane. I know flying around people all day is a tough job as you have to contend with people that are whining, snoring, sleeping , throwing up, demanding food, drinks, not listening when told to put away their electronic devices, not using their seat belts, not carefully reading and paying attention when told how to safely evacuate the plane. I mean I have no idea what it likes dealing with people (our kids) that do any of those things!
Fast forward… they leave for college and you miss them. The dog misses them. You mope. The dog mopes Eveything feels out of place. You miss their little snarky comments and especially that little move that your son used to do when you were reaching for your glasses and he kept moving them, you know when you weren’t paying attention so you kept reaching for them until you look up and see a big smile on his face and you both start laughing. You miss the ear piercing drum solos. The ninja fights with the dog… yeah the dog even miss the tackles.
So you realize they are your world. Instead of all the bad things, you remember all the times they made you laugh, cry, smile, and even angry. And you still can’t wait until they come home again.
Here is the truth and what you forgot when you were in the middle of all that teen spirit...
You love them and always will. You miss them and run and embrace them and their giant bag of laundry.
But in the meantime, you still dream about black holes, spaceships, Richard Branson, and you don’t even care if you ever find those lost socks.