Who Am I?
The things one writes in those moments of existential crisis.
Who am I?what is this place? and what am I doing here? where have I come from and where am I going?
Man has asked these questions since time immemorial, since the time he did not even have language to put words to these questions, since the time he was just a monkey staring into the night sky. And yet, they remain unanswered even today- 2014 AD.
We have all felt this, this sudden existential crisis, what I am doing, right here, right now, this very moment, this very spot, does it have any meaning at all ? And we have felt it bang in the middle of our busy lives, as we struggle through our 60 hour work weeks, do our household chores, pickup the groceries, shout at random strangers at traffic signals, “Like” another cat photo on Facebook, write stories on medium. These questions have struck us all at all times, and we almost always just put them on the back burner, telling ourselves that there are other much important things we need to focus on, and we should just leave this to the weird philosopher types. And that is how we lay to rest the poor curious monkey inside all of us.
To think that anything we do, or say is more important than solving the mystery of our existence is an exercise in the sort of narcissism that has become synonymous with our society. We overrate our busyness, we have fallen into the abyss of never ending to-do lists and apps that make them look good. We are all searching for the rewards of checking off each item on those lists, the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. But what is Gold? its yellow and it shines, that's all. Is that how shallow we are as a society? we put value in metals that shine? in paper with numbers printed on it? That’s what we strive for at the end of those lists. Along the way we try to find meaning in all this, because the monkey keeps coming back, he is just too curious, and to satisfy the curiosity we make ourselves believe that somehow, through some convoluted theory, all of this makes sense and explains the meaning of life and we are not actually doing it for the pot of gold, that its just a byproduct we don’t mind enjoying. But deep down inside, we know that’s not true.
But who are we really? As a species, whether you believe in Darwin or God, both ways, our existence here today is matter of great chance and fortune. So many variables need to fall into place for this equation to make sense and for us to be here at this very moment. Its almost fantastic. Our lives are nothing short of fairy tales if we put things in perspective. If we think about the big bang, the story of evolution, how apes became humans. Or even if we think about God, and how He created the universe and Man, or if we just look at the last 2000 years of our existence, how civilizations across the globe have risen and fallen, wars won and lost, from Genghis Khan to Alexander the Great, the black plague to the Renaissance, from Gandhi to Hitler, Leonardo Da Vinci to Leonardo Di Caprio -- The question almost asks itself, where have we come from and where are we going ?
Why did early man not focus so much on these questions, why weren't these questions at the top of the agenda for him. Maybe he thought that he doesn't have the means to answer them and there is still so much left to explore and discover that he should delve into such philosophy later, more importantly, daily survival was a challenge for him.
That was his excuse, what is ours?
Survival is no more a problem for today’s Man. He has enough means to eat drink and stay healthy, no wild animals chasing after him, then what is he doing with his life? Building higher towers housing more offices to to fit in more people to do more work. We take so much pride in carrying our work in our pockets, in our cars, in our homes. Where is all this leading us? We are so full of ourselves and the lives we lead that we have forgotten to look for meaning in what we do. We have forgotten to think about the earth we walk on, to care about the air we breath in every living moment. What is the purpose of all this? Are we really fulfilling ourselves with fast cars and high-tech gadgets? or are these just toys we like to play with when we have any free time, or we just like to show them off to other people and devour the look of envy on their face. How have we come to a situation that we give so much importance to material happiness in our lives and it is so crucial to have more and better than the next guy. How did we manage to run this race ?
Material happiness is as fickle as the materials that bring it, and the sad part is that it is a self-created evil. Man has created this himself, it is not a part of nature. Nature respects every being’s uniqueness. The elephant is not envious of the rhino’s horn and neither is the rhino envious of the elephant’s trunk. Man is the only species blessed with so much intelligence and yet he wastes it on seeking material happiness.
I don’t know what is the purpose of life, but I certainly know its not to earn more and more money day by day or Year on Year like some people like to put it. The monkey staring into the night sky was just curious and wanted to answer a few questions, that monkey still lives on inside all of us, and the questions are still not answered.
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