Seeking Solace in a Much Needed Momcation
Even flight attendants crave the freedom of flight
You would think that my first MOMCATION would have gone smoothly and I don’t mean the extenuating circumstances associated with traveling such as delayed flights, lost luggage, detours, turbulence, or sitting next to someone who takes up all the space and only wants to talk about themselves. I’m talking about leaving your kids for the first time so that you can spend time alone on the beach to recharge your batteries as a mom and escape the cold Canadian winter.
Why leave them if I am going to feel terrible about taking five days to myself on some hot sunny beach where I can sit in total relaxation while reading my book without interruptions, without having to cook a meal, or look at my watch and care about the time?
I’ve been flying as a flight attendant for the past 21 years.
I have left my kids every week since they were born to go to work and travel the world. I have time to myself once I get to my destination to not cook a meal, but eat out, visit a foreign city, and sip wine at a bistro with my fellow crew members.
But I don’t get to recharge. I don’t get to sleep. I don’t get to not look at my watch to see what time it is. I don’t get to sit on a plane as a passenger and be served with a smile.
I want to sit on a plane and not smile if I don’t want to. Start drinking wine if I wish to do so. Change into a pair of shorts for my arrival. Fall asleep with my head slowly falling back and forth onto the passenger next to me, picking up my rental and breathing in the warm air.
So why was I feeling so anxious?
I believe my anxiety started at a young age. My mother would leave the house to buy milk and I would cry my eyes out as if she was leaving forever, as if it was the last time that I would see her. Yet, she would always come back and my father was great with us. So why the drama scene?
My mom is an anxious person. She and my dad left their home to move across the country to try out a new life adventure when my sister and I were very young kids. That adventure didn’t last very long from the stories she has shared with us. They came back home and have never left since.
Well, maybe a few sessions of therapy couldn’t answer the question of why but that’s not the point of my story.
Excited, scared, happy I am finally taking that MOMCATION
I promised myself as a woman, as a mom that I would take this vacation with pride, no guilt. Owning my belief that moms shouldn’t have to ask permission to recharge but allow themselves to do so to be a better person, mom, woman.
My husband is a wonderful father. He loves spending time with his boys. Our discussion of me taking off for five days was just that, a discussion as a family that mommy needed to go. So I plastered my plan on social media to stay accountable and not back out of my plan out of fear.
I felt the fear of “what if” because I was alone.
I wouldn’t be with other crew members or family or friends. I was going on this amazing retreat to bloody just chill.
Fear was a strange feeling for me. I’ve been flying around the world for years and it wasn’t like I was heading out to a third-world country. I was flying down to Florida, a three and a half hour plane ride where I had access to technology, amenities, hospitals, food, police, and people.
The minute I landed I felt this relief.
I felt joy and a great sense of pride with my new adventure. I know it can be hard to leave our children. Even harder if you have an unsupportive husband or family members making you feel guilty for something that shouldn’t be looked upon as selfish but to feel like a warrior in need of rejuvenation.
I had my rental, my condo a street away from the beach, a fridge full of healthy good food to pick and eat at any time of day, my books, my phone, yes, my phone. Communication isn’t cut off as if I was in an ashram in the remote countryside far away. My kids are used to picking up their phone to call mom when she is working to see how she is doing. Five days in Florida isn’t going to stop them from wanting to see the waves crashing on the sandy beach at sunset and hear the birds chirping in the background.
I am grateful for the warrior in me.
To follow what I believe in and let my actions follow my words. I might have been anxious, scared, and felt some guilt leaving for five days on my own but all of those feelings didn’t last very long. Those feelings vanished when I saw the look in my boy’s eyes, a look of “how awesome is my mom.” They will always remember mom being able to care for them but also herself. A mom who had a plan and, despite her fears, took off with the plan.
I came back energized, peaceful, content, and proud. I also know next time I will be fearless. It only takes that one time to face our fears to realize the positive effects it can have on us. And it also takes that one time for my family to see that we all survived and became that much better as human beings.
