Abusers Know What They’re Doing
And yes, they do it on purpose
I spent years in an abusive relationship avoiding the truth that was playing out right in front of me. After marrying, having his children, and building a business and life together, I was too invested in making it work to see things clearly.
To see things as they actually were.
Because of my investment in “us,” my default reaction to his increasingly abusive behavior was a combination of making excuses for and trying to fix him at the same time. I reassured myself that there was no way he knew what he was doing. I chalked it up to his being a man who made a lot of mistakes…and didn’t learn from them, a man who acted inappropriately…over and over again, who said and did things that he appeared to feel remorse for…even though he didn’t change those things and a man who obviously loved me…didn’t he?
My friends seemed to agree: He would never hurt me on purpose…would he?
The answer to this question is what would end up breaking my heart, and yet ultimately set me on a course to find my emotional freedom from his abuse.
Because the truth is, abusers — especially narcissists — know exactly what they’re doing. And they do it on purpose.
