Expectations
“Expectation: The act or state of expecting.” — Merriam-Webster Dictionary
In most cases, to have an expectation is to anticipate that something different from the current state will occur. To have an optimistic expectation is to anticipate that the current state of something will be improved in some way, which is usually coupled with the hope that the optimistic expectation will be realized. Therefore, to have an optimistic expectation, in most cases, means that one is unsatisfied or otherwise discontent with the current state of something compared to what could be. By contrast, a pessimistic expectation is most often the manifestation of a set of fears that seems unlikely to be avoided and therefore, someone that holds a pessimistic expectation is more content with their current state compared to the one they are anticipating. Furthermore, any single expectation is constructed from the dichotomous relationship between the optimistic and pessimistic outcomes of it. The classification of that expectation is thereby dictated by the determination of which side of the dichotomy is most likely to occur.
My life always has and continues to be driven by expectations that can come from a variety of different sources. These sources include myself, society, family, friends, colleagues, organizations, and more. Being the centre of many expectations is generally a good thing whether they’re self-generated or not. They help push you farther, and they indicate that your success is important to whoever holds those expectations. However, living a life that is constantly filled with optimistic expectations can feel like you’re always letting someone down. If the expectations placed upon you always progress higher and higher, then there isn’t ever a point in time where you feel like you have lived up to them. If the presence of optimistic expectation equals the dissatisfaction with the current state, then a life filled with ever-increasing expectation can feel extremely unsatisfying.
The contrast to an abundance of expectations is the lack of them. I don’t imagine that a complete lack of expectations in one’s life is ever possible but I do think that some people have expectations set upon them that are less in either quantity or magnitude, compared to others. To me, this may represent a decrease in ambition or a stagnation point in life, both of which I would like to avoid for the time being. I also don’t think the presence of expectations, or lack thereof is an indication of someone’s happiness. An individual and the people around them can be completely satisfied with their current life state while living a life void of ambition, expecting nothing but the continuation of that life state, and be completely happy. In fact, that’s usually what most people strive for. On the other hand, one could live a life filled with variability and ambition, constantly having external and internal optimistic expectations thrust upon them, and instead of feeling the aforementioned dissatisfaction, can feel fulfillment and excitement.
I think the way in which expectations have impacted my happiness and fulfillment is a product of my chosen perception of them and overall mindfulness. I have to build a better relationship with the expectations that others have of me, as well as the ones I have with myself so that the dissatisfaction I feel can transform into fulfillment and excitement.
Celebrate
I’ve never been one to encourage a celebration of my own accomplishments. Although my friends may tell you about my somewhat large ego, I tend to be quite reluctant when it comes to celebrating myself. Even my birthday celebration is something I often feel very uncomfortable contributing to. I’ve always taken this trait to be a positive sign of humility, but I think to some extent it is one of the reasons why I never truly feel like I am living up to expectations, even though in most cases I am. My desire to breeze past the recognition of a significant accomplishment contributes to the feeling that no accomplishment has been made. I think that when optimistic expectations are met, both small and large, taking time to live in the moment and recognizing the accomplishment will contribute to a feeling of fulfillment, and reduce the overall dissatisfaction that is present in my life. Additionally, taking time to glance back at where I started and the journey that got me to where I currently am will help to put my current state in a positive perspective.
Control and quantify
One of the other factors that contributes to the feeling that I am not living up to expectations is my lack of clarity regarding what they are. As mentioned before, I feel as though I have optimistic expectations originating from myself, colleagues, my friends, my family, the organizations I’m a part of, and society in general. I take this as a very large compliment but this can also be quite overwhelming.
The first step I think I can take to mitigate this overwhelming feeling is to control the expectations. Are the expectations that I think are present actually real? Do I actually care about most of these expectations? Is the end result of whether or not these expectations are met actually something I can control? These are all questions that I do not have answers to, but if I had answers to them I think the expectations would be less overwhelming.
The second step is to quantify the expectations. How many are there? What is the reason for them? What is the expectation? This again will help to bring these expectations into a manageable perspective and make them less overwhelming.
Just chill out
I think another element to this whole thing is that I just need to chill out. As far back as I can remember I’ve always been quite concerned with the perception others have of me. In many cases, I will irrationally sacrifice my own desires to appease those of others. The fact that I’m even writing this article shows that I put a great deal of significance on the expectations that others have on me, regardless of the expectations I have of myself. I think I would benefit a lot by increasing the emphasis on mindfulness within my life. Living in the moment, prioritizing my self, not taking everything so seriously, etc. are all things that I currently neglect to some extent and I think that making those more of priority would be very beneficial.
In conclusion, I will never stop continuously setting higher and higher expectations of myself. I also hope that others never stop having high expectations for me. I in no way think that an abundance of high expectations surrounding a person is a bad thing. What I do think though is that myself and a lot of my peers have to do a better job at managing their relationships with the expectations around them. If not managed properly, they can lead to continuous feelings of dissatisfaction, while adding unwanted pressure to an individual’s life.
