Pandemic, Proposal, Paperwork: No Rose-Coloured Glasses
Welcome to the first instalment of three reflections on my Cansbridge summer in Waterloo (Ontario), working as a research assistant for Dr. Jenna Gibbs of McGill University’s Department of Kinesiology and funded by the Mitacs Accelerate Program.
Before I dive into my pandemic takeaways and preliminary thoughts on the Cansbridge experience/internship, I’ll share a bit about myself and my background. In point form, because otherwise I’d have to think of clever transitions.
- As the daughter of Taiwanese immigrants, I grew up in Coquitlam, British Columbia where I was a competitive figure skater with big aspirations of becoming a doctor.
- I was honoured to be one of Canada’s top fifty students to receive the Schulich Leader Scholarship, an award that granted me the opportunity to move across the country to study Kinesiology at the University of Waterloo.
- Throughout my undergrad, I tried to rack up pre-med brownie points by volunteering in long-term care homes and hospitals, while doing research in global health and geriatric health. I’d even spent a semester by the Gold Coast of Australia, where I strolled through markets and beaches under the guise of studying tropical infectious disease.
- By the time I’d gotten my degree, I’d worked with older adults for eight years (my other health-related interest, next to infectious disease!), completed a research apprenticeship, double-semester research co-op, worked on papers with extraordinary researchers, and defended my undergraduate thesis. With these experiences under my belt, I was awarded full funding from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research (‘20-’21), another year of financial support from the Ontario Graduate Scholarship (’22) to complete my Master’s, and, of course, funding from Mitacs for the current Cansbridge experience.
- Since I skated on UWaterloo’s varsity figure skating team and competed nationally in aerial dance, I realized that the rigour of medical school wouldn’t fit well with the active lifestyle I wanted, full of training and cooking and restorative yoga! It was a no-brainer to accept my grad school offers, especially because I had the very unique opportunity to investigate the collateral damage of COVID-19 for older Canadians, merging my interests in infectious disease and the geriatric population.
Turns out, opportunity can knock twice
“What’s next after [event], Cindy?” is a question that I, like many young adults, hear too often, and I hope I’m not the only one with a rehearsed response. I always tell people the simple truth — I have no idea. No particular route in mind, no specific future I want to manifest. I explain that, throughout my life, opportunities tend to arise when I need them. When I was bored last winter in quarantine, my old co-op supervisor hired me to ghostwrite for her brand. Last week, I was offered a job at a local family doctor’s office and memory clinic. I attended a YMCA Conversation Circle just yesterday to see if I’d like to work as their language facilitator over the summer.
Cansbridge was yet another terrific opportunity for me, especially as someone who is still trying to figure out who I am and what I like. Being a graduate student, likely a year or two older than other fellows in my cohort, I’ve been floating in a limbo of uncertainty for a while. Will I take a year off? Will I, or in better words, can I, travel? Do I want to stay in academia? And if yes, where will I pursue a PhD? What area will I specialize in, and do I find myself more curious about infectious disease, nutrition, or exercise? How can I make sure that my career path is both efficient and right for my lifestyle, given no one in my family has ever pursued further education?
My Cansbridge internship will be completed under the supervision of Dr. Gibbs, who specializes in exercise physiology, osteoporosis, and women’s health for older adults. All the research I’ve done throughout my undergrad and halfway into my Master’s is similar, as I focus on nutrition, knowledge translation, and dementia. I’m looking forward to building a more well-rounded understanding of important topics surrounding geriatric health (to iterate the gravity of this area: in under a decade, people aged 65+ will comprise a quarter of Canadians!). Since today is June 1, the first official day of my internship, I’m actually going to meet with her in just under two hours to discuss plans for the semester. My biggest goal is to explore her existing datasets and get some more publications under my belt before the second year of my Master’s.
When one door closes, another… closes
If I had to summarize my pandemic emotional development in one word, it’d be gratitude. If there’s any semblance of a silver lining to these tumultuous times, it’s that I will never take things for granted post-COVID. It’s no overstatement to declare that the pandemic has turned every aspect of our lives upside-down, from the ways we learn, to the ways we socialize, to the way we deliver healthcare and interventions. I don’t even like movies, but I miss the smell of artificial butter and tiny LED lights on each step in a theatre. I get airsick, but I miss dragging my luggage through a jet bridge. Winter days on campus were dreadful, but I’d love to sit at crowded fundraising booths, or even trudge through the snow with my friends one more time. Waterloo might not be the first to come to mind when you think of a vibrant city, but I miss teleporting to another world at Ctrl-V Virtual Reality, strategizing the afternoon away at Games on Tap Board Game Cafe, and enjoying spicy bowls of emerald curry at My Thai. What do these three establishments have in common? All closed permanently, thanks to COVID. And I’m going to miss them all.
That’s all a long-winded way to say that, on top of mourning the loss of places and activities I love, I absolutely cannot wait to get back to volunteering in long-term care homes, teaching in-person fitness classes, getting my ears pierced, and dressing up to spend time with my friends. I’ve felt so much gratitude for the things that I was once able to do without a second thought. Who knows? History might repeat itself if humanity plays its cards right, and we might be in for another creative post-pandemic (1918 Spanish flu!) roaring ’20s again.
Catching that other shoe before it drops
2020 wasn’t what I’d expected, hoped for, planned for. It was going to be a year of celebrating my graduation, competing at national aerial hoop championships and performing in regional showcases, teaching skating, and travelling. The reality was quite the opposite, as I was glued to my chair in front of a screen full of statistics codes, day after day after day. 2021 was much of the same, as Ontario fluctuated through waves of lockdown. This paragraph is supposed to be about what I hope to get out of my Cansbridge experience, and if you’re wondering how the first couple sentences tie into Cansbridge — it’s because I hope the network and internship will give me the exciting boost I need and alleviate some of the sadness and boredom from so long of not being able to do what I am dying to do.
Many of my friends picked up at-home hobbies (like crochet!) and I’ve attempted the same, dipping my toes into writing, digital art, stretching, food photography, journaling, makeup, being an ambassador for the Canadian Nutrition Society… even taking baths. Desperate times. And I’m still stuck in that languishing zone, where I’m neither depressed nor flourishing, because it’s been nearly a year and a half since I’ve been on the ice or in the air, the only two things I genuinely enjoy doing. I even stepped away from social media entirely because I can’t bear to watch friends in other parts of the world (or even those privileged enough to have home setups) engage in these activities. My selfish hope is that Cansbridge gives me something to look forward to, something to bring a bit of joy and social time into my life, and something to perform for.
I still have no idea what a sensitivity analysis is
Last week, I defended my thesis proposal on health consequences of COVID-19 for older Canadians. I was so concerned about the committee’s questions that I’d worked with a private tutor for a month leading up to the defense! Honestly, it wasn’t easy, especially on Webex where the event felt less “personal”. I was asked some pretty difficult questions — ones I couldn’t even begin to bluff — and had to admit on several occasions that I literally have no clue.
While preparing for my proposal defense, I was sorting out details of my internship. In fact, my internship was slated to begin in mid-May, but paperwork issues (I was told that I was the first UWaterloo graduate student to complete a summer internship at McGill!?) pushed back my start date until June 1. So, I’m glad I’m writing this first blog post today, on June 1, as a starting point for the summer.
I’m not sure how to conclude a post like this, seeing as I deviated into numerous tangents about things I miss and how staying at home is draining the life out of my extroverted side. These circumstances aren’t forever, I know. But if there’s one fact I learned from my thesis literature review, it’s that mental wellness challenges (namely, PTSD) can exist for several years after a pandemic/epidemic. I googled a lot of COVID-related blog posts to see how other people have wrapped up their writing, and most writers concluded with generic wellness tips. It’d be a bit disingenuous of me to remind you to “connect with others, breathe deeply, and relax”, or worse, end with the overly used, cliché-at-this-point “light at the end of the tunnel”.
Stay cool, stay vigilant, and keep your rose-coloured glasses in their case for now.
