so, you’re alone and content?

Here’s something I have contemplated quite frequently about: the differences between being lonely and being alone. The thought had amplified throughout my time in Asia.

Before I talk about my own experience, though, I just want to quickly mention that your experience might be different than mine. Therefore, do take my advices with a grain of salt. After all, my sole intention in sharing what I have learnt is to hopefully get you to rethink your “alone time,” and perhaps, along the way, spread some joy.

How did it all start?

Having moved away from home at 16, packed my entire life into two 23-kg suitcases and flew across the oceans to North America in order to chase my dream of being an engineer, I can say for sure there were points in my life in the past years where I’ve felt as lonely as ever. There were days when all I wanted to do was go home and hug my parents. This experience was particularly hard, but it was also very fundamental and crucial to to my personal growth. I think that I knew, first and foremost, that I was doing something I really, very much believed in. Second, I reminded myself that although I was alone, I wasn’t lonely. I knew that the people at home still loved me as much as ever — and I, them. Most importantly, I had learnt to enjoy time alone, and (as corny as it sounds) find joy in many little things.

What did I do about it?

Someone once told me, “you can be around people and still feel lonely, however, you can change this by trying to be alone and content first.” It stuck with me for a very long time, all throughout high school and now in college. This thought has pushed me to challenge myself, to various measures, in order to spend time alone to reflect, think, and learn about myself. It all sounds very strange, but sometimes, we think that we know ourselves best, but we actually don’t. With that said, I wanted to share some of the things that I have done (and continue to do) … alone. Maybe, if you find it interesting, you could try it out once in awhile, then let me know how it turns out.

List of things I have done and that you could do alone (along with some photos to hopefully inspire you to spring into action):

1. Go down to a vinyl, book, or any type of sale.
2. Take a solo trip to a foreign country.

My Indian solo trip — 2018

1. Go to a movie alone — and order the “couples’ set” from the food&drink menu.
2. Go back to the theatre for an avengers movie marathon.
3. Go exploring.

My West Bandung exploration — 2018

1. Eat alone at a very romantic diner, hahaha this one is fun.
2. Dance your [] off at a jazz, R&B, Motown concert — or any other concert for that matter.
3. Get some ice cream.
4. Go to a bookstore.
5. Go outside with your phone and take photos of flowers (make sure you get all the different colors).

I think I snatched this photo from my backyard at home in Phnom Penh — 2018

1. Volunteer.
2. Laugh at yourself when you run into the corner of a table while trying to get up to get your latte at Indigo.
3. Leave some nice notes in books at the library or a bookstore.

Some of the things on the list is weirdly specific, and ridiculous, but that’s the whole point. It’s okay if you’re alone, and doing weird, random things. As long as you learn to let go, relax, laugh — everything is going to be fine. Everyone experiences loneliness — I certainly still do, sometimes. To come to think about it though, ultimately, we spend most of our times with ourselves, so might as well learn to enjoy our own companies, right?

This is not to say that you shouldn’t be enjoying quality time with other people. As all things in life, you should strive to balance the two. Go and hang out and laugh with people you love, but also save some time during the week just to hang around yourself!

How was this practice useful throughout my time in Asia?

Having settled in Montréal, I don’t find too many things unfamiliar anymore, and therefore, don’t struggle too much findings things to do alone. However, uncertainties all rushed back to me the moment I landed in Jakarta. All of a sudden, I was alone again, in a foreign land. Then, gradually, I started to learn to enjoy doing basic everyday things myself once again. Of course, eventually, I started work and had friends. However, I would always seek some time everyday just to be with myself, reflect and journal. I find that this practice not only calmed me down, but also allowed me the time to focus on nothing else, but myself — my own progress, goals, visions, and more.

I firmly believe that the ability to be alone and content by choice is truly rewarding. The great news is: everyone can practice and improve in this area. Often times, we are so consumed by everything that happens around us, that we forget to check-in with our well-being. With that said, I hope you are able to spend some great alone time today. I hope you’re able to laugh, and enjoy your own company. I hope that no matter what situation you find yourself in, you can still be content at where you are.

I am going to end with a question and I’d like for you to take a moment to think about it, and then answer:

How are you doing today?