Why not mattering is an empowering sentiment.
I am 21 years old and have just graduated from University. The past four years were a whirlwind of highs, lows, fun times, and lessons learned. While I could list off countless valuable takeaways from my time as a student, I think one of the most important lessons I learned is that you don’t matter…unless you make yourself matter. That may sound like a harsh take away from an overall positive experience, but I find the idea that I don’t matter to be quite motivating.
As a first-year student, when you walk into the 250 person lecture being taught by a professor who will never know you by name, who considers your level of success to be no more than a data point on a bell-curve, and who doesn’t care one bit if your “dog ate your homework” — you realize very quickly that as an individual, you don’t matter. When you progress in your academic career and start looking for summer internships that you think you are more than highly qualified for only to receive 1/100 replies to your numerous job applications — you realize that you don’t matter. When you’re all set to graduate, have an exciting job lined up and you’re looking forward to your convocation, but then a global pandemic hits, everything gets cancelled and everyone has more important things to worry about than your status as a new-grad — you realize that in the grand scheme of things, you do not matter.
This same sentiment can easily extend to your personal life too. Think about every single person you’re connected to. You’ll soon develop quite a long list of friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, etc. Now take that list and ask yourself the question, “If I disappeared off the face of the earth tomorrow, how many of these people would be significantly impacted?” I guarantee that if you’re honest with yourself, that list will shrink quite a bit. For me, that initial list probably has more than a few hundred names on it, but after asking that question, I think it probably shrinks to about 70 people. If I disappeared tomorrow, there would be about a school bus full of people on this entire planet who would be more than moderately impacted…how much do you matter?
I promise this isn’t a post about some sort of nihilistic existential crisis I’m having. I think the concept of not mattering is empowering because it’s something you can change if you want to. When people talk about being more successful, getting to the next level, even becoming more fulfilled in their life, I think at its essence what they are saying is that they want to matter more in one area of their life. If you work hard and perform well in your job or start a successful business of your own, you will increase the amount that you matter to your company or the customers that you serve, which usually means that you’ll become more financially successful. That’s sort of the definition of capitalism. If you engage in humanitarian work and lead initiatives to better your community or the world around you, you will increase the amount that you matter to society, thereby increasing your social status and most likely your sense of impact and fulfillment. If you make an effort to form deeper connections with the people in your life, you will increase the amount that you matter to other individuals, which would most likely increase the presence of love and support in your life.
All of this isn’t to say that I or any other person is completely void of significance. If 2020 has shown us anything, it’s that the vote, actions and words of any random individual can be quite impactful — and it is often because of the collective action of many ordinary individuals that the biggest changes occur.
A desire to matter more might come off as superficial, but in reality it is the desire to be more successful, create more positive impact, and love more deeply. To not matter is to have to room to grow, and that is exciting.
