Train your children to be Independent, Parenting Series!

If I was doing everything right. Then why it’s getting worst day by day? All -tough, I believed from the bottom of my heart that praising my children and about every effort of mine for them is going to work. This will automatically boost their self-confidence.

Mysterious Self Questioning

I could not understand, Why my daughter was being caught by uncertainty.

I believed if told my kids about the reason behind all the happenings, explain to them politely and logically. Or if I tell them about every Do’s and Don’ts logically, will they start acting more responsibly?

To be Independent children

The thing I believed that if I stopped spying on my children and let them complete some tasks on their own, They will become independent. They would not need anyone to assist them. But after all this, my little boy is always being my sock. He is crying and complaining all day.

That scared me! a lot. but the scary thing was seeing failed every single effort of mine.

The Problem was I considered myself a great mother of the century. I consider myself above all these issues. Then how could I shout at my children in the market?

Being the one I Desired

I was ambitious to not doing the same mistakes that were done by my parent. And I promised myself to give my children everything that I never had or wished for.

But, today when I entered the room and saw a mess all around. Every single rule of good parenting and happy life was gone. I started shouting at my children. I went totally out of control, repeated saying, Morons, Stupid, Ugly, and all that kinds of words. You cannot behave like a human being.

These are all the words that I used to listen to when I was a child which I hated the most. But, I lost all my patience. Who am I? I was not like this and did not want to be. And I was in the same mood and the next day I got an invitation to a parenting training session.

I tried to convince myself that this invitation is not for me because I do not need a such thing but failed. after all these efforts I submitted and decided to go. For the first few minutes, I was not paying attention. But after some time I felt as if he is telling my story. That grabbed my attention.

Last Painting of Children

He was talking about how once a little girl gave him a drawing. I remember, He said a little girl brought me a painting and asked me how was it. Looking at the picture and smiling I replied, Yeah, the purple house, shining Sun, bright sky, and flowers. It reminded me of my village and childhood. The little girl smiled and said I will make you one more painting.

Then he asked us, let us suppose I told her that the painting is perfect and you are a pro painter now. Now she will make another painting for me? Never. Who can go beyond greatness? Because the independence of a child is dependent upon the explanatory kind of words. Because such words push children to become self-sufficient.

Stop Branding your children

He looked empathetic while was talking and I think that’s why he was discussing this in such detail. His second example gave me a wince. If your child just dropped a glass of milk and after hearing the noise, you came out of the room and saw the mess. What are you going to do about it? Will you be shouting at them or start calling them morons, stupid or blind?

I felt he is asking me and I was just staring at him helplessly. He smiled and said why don’t you simply give your child a sponge or cloth the clean the mess? That recalled everything but suddenly a question came into mind and I raised my hand.

Don’t We Love Them

I asked him, Sir! your examples are very interesting but I have a question our Children know and believe how much we love them, Right? So now it doe not matter what we are saying. My point is I believe as far as your children know how much you love them, you can talk to them in any tone or you can choose any word after all love is pure.

He went quiet for a while then replied, my opinion is a bit different from yours. Let’s suppose you are at a party with your husband. You, by mistake, dropped the glass of juice and your husband smiled and said, you manner less, you did this again. If there is a competition of creating a mess, you will be the champion. How would you feel? I went silent. He said don’t you want your husband to bring out his handkerchief and help you. I know you do.

Power of Love

He continued, I am not here to put love down or degrade. I am here to highlight how important it is but in the right way. We all know how material things are important. let’s suppose that you have a 1000 rupee note, we get change for that note, even the coins. Every coin is equally important to make it 1000 rupees again.

What I am trying to say is, each loving word is important, has an impact, and should be used wisely. No matter if you were happy or angry. Simply we can use words that are not harmful to their personality or mentality

Insult without Anger

After this, he started talking about “ Insult without anger”. I was a bit confused, what does it mean? He started explaining, At first it is against natural phenomena and illogical that parents should always be patient. parents can show anger but not in a way that destroys the self-esteem of children. I won’t be helpful at all. It is obvious, we are upset with our children just for the sake of their well-being.

In this case, we should choose our words wisely. we should choose the explanatory words that are going to help us succeed in our ultimate goal. For example, if your children’s room is unbearably messy. You have the freedom of speech but not the freedom to destroy their self-esteem. Now the question is how?

You can say, “Room is not beautiful anymore as it was”. Or “ I do not like a mess in my house, that makes me angry” Or “This mess is making me so much anger and it feels like I am going to throw everything out of the window” Even “ I am seeing the thing I hate the most, Books and toys should be in their respective places”.

I was a bit confused. I raised my hand and commented, it couldn’t be realized my tone was getting sarcastic. Such a thing can only be adopted or used by phycologists or perfectionists like you, I said. He laughed and replied I can hear the word “psychopathy” behind “Phycologist”. Everyone laughed.

He was smiling and saying Mam! Who is your children’s biggest well-wisher?

To Be Continued……!!!!!!

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