Exocoetidae

Aeroplanes are not travel. They are tinned sardines being

thrown across the sky. They claim to be the fastest way to

travel from point A to point B, but a three-hour flight always

takes longer than a three-day drive. If you look to your left,

ladies and gentlemen, you will see nothing but various shades

of blue and white, maybe some grey if you’re very lucky. Look

to your right and you’ll see the smelly, middle-aged man who’s

decided to claim the shared armrest. We’ve also got an extra

special treat for you tonight, folks. That’s right, if you listen very

carefully, you may just hear the faint scream of a disgruntled

baby who’s been at it for close to two hours now and doesn’t

seem any closer to settling down. And you feel that shaking?

That’s the walls. They’re getting closer and closer. That man

next to you? He’s moved off the armrest and onto your lap.

That screaming child? Sitting on your shoulder screaming right

into your ear. There is no escape. Aeroplanes are not travel.