LET BYGONES BE BYGONES by Made Dewi Yudhi Adnyani
I thoroughly enjoyed editing Dewi’s piece. We talked about Dewi’s intentions and meaning behind the writing and through collaboration, we made sure the final piece stayed true to her inspiration.
Lately I’ve been wondering. What if time could be repeated? I want to go back to a time when everything is all right. It is foolish. It is such a vain hope. Even a minute missed can’t be repeated. I keep on convincing my heart that everything is over. Yet this lonely feeling of longing perennially torments my heart. I want my fatigue to end, but the cruel universe forces me to keep going. Limping, I drag my feet to go as far as I can. I want to bury all the bitterness with new memories. I don’t deserve this. Let it all be bygones.
I don’t hate, nor do I hold grudges against you for what you have done to me. I hate myself. I am mad at myself for not being able to make peace with the situation. I lament my fate at all times and hope for something I know is improbable. Misery. I want to freeze time to give myself space to take a break from all this pain. I try to bury the hatchet and convince myself not to repeat what has become my regret. It is all over. I will never start again.
After all the pain and bitterness that I went through, I realize that I really do not want you to return. Even if the other piece of my heart still loves you. A feeling that is impossible to erode, that will never end, no matter how much I try to get rid of it. But the reality is that you chose to leave and carve such a deep wound in my heart; leaving me to walk alone with the sorrow you left behind. You crushed me to pieces.
Despite being lumbered, I will keep on going. I will go as far as possible to forget my disappointment. My sculpted wound needs a long time to heal, so let time heal it. I no longer want to be immersed in feelings that once existed. I no longer want to remember anything about you. Let all memories of you disappear along with the wound that time will erase. No more memories. No more desire to remember. Let it all be bygones.
About the writer
Made Dewi Yudhi Adnyani was born 21 years ago in Tabanan, Bali. She is studying at Ganesha University of Education, majoring in English Language Education. She likes to spend time watching movies and reading novels, which is one of the reasons why she is interested in the world of writing.
