Let’s have a *gay time!
One writer’s story about why having gay best friends makes her so damn *happy! Six experiences one encounters when blessed with having a LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) BFF.
1. Gay club. Sure, it’s different. You may not fully know what to expect when walking in the door, but why not try it out? Live a little! I was curious and intrigued, and I’m so glad I went to a lesbian club once (in fact, I wanna go back!). People know you’re straight, and they’re not about to get with you knowing full well you don’t ‘swing that way,’ so you are more respected. You can just dance the night away with your friends, be crazy, be wild (in a safe way of course), laugh and talk for hours without a care in the world! Now don’t get me wrong, I like going clubbing with the right crowd, friends I know I can have a great time with, whether or not they remember the night (oh, the alcohol — and non-alcohol — fuelled hilarious stories I have of my friends and I haha), but if I’m not interested in getting with a particular random stranger on occasion at a ‘straight’ club or bar, I’ve been harassed, ridiculed, had a guy’s mates then approach me, or them simply not take no for an answer, leading to two of my best guy friends having to step in and pretend they were BOTH dating me (Yes. I mean BOTH). The time I went to a gay club and became friends with my lesbian friend’s other friends I was the only straight (nether lesbian or bisexual) one in the group and to them it was obvious. Cracking jokes about how I’m ‘obviously 110% percent straight’ was a cool ice breaker for pre-clubbing drinking games.
Arriving at the club, there was a cage in the middle of the dance floor and despite my first drunk experience (my friend told me ‘if anyone can get you drunk I will!’) and some of our group taking a turn inside, I was happy dancing without a care in the world and opening up about my latest, very-muscly, crush (cause no-one knew him and what did it matter? They’re not into guys!)
2. You share an unbreakable bond. You two have something no-one can take away from either of you. They’ve ‘come out’ to you, and even if you’re not the first to be told and not the last — they trust you more than most with something they’ve held dear for so long — and chances are it hasn’t been easy to either keep quiet — or ‘come out’. The LGBT community often undergo an inner battle with their heart and mind and pressures of society to be who they truly want to be (who they are) and who they may feel they should be — shying away to avoid conflict and possible ridicule. Life is so much easier for us all when we have someone to lean on — and they’ve chosen you! Your friendship now knows no bounds and what was once (seen as) an obstacle is so. Much. Easier. Unrequited love and dilemmas with a crush, family drama, stress from school, university or work, literally ANYTHING that comes your way, you can get through it together, stronger than before.
Nothing you wish to discuss is off-limits — no matter how crazy or weird you may think you sound.
‘If you were straight John, would you be into me?’ or ‘Does this dress accentuate my boobs? Cause I never wear something that does and barely wear dresses so it could be a nice change?’
*Staring at a hot guy together* Me: ‘He’s probably gay! The hot ones always are! I have no luck I swear.’ Whilst John says ‘He’s probably straight! Together: ‘Wait, what?’
3. There’s less D-R-A-M-A. There’s no ‘I’m into my best friend and what do I do about it? Hold it all inside and ignore it or be honest, tell them, and deal with any possible repercussions?’ worries, struggles and stress. They’re a boy or girl FRIEND, without being a boyfriend or girlfriend — meaning acting like one without all the ‘sexual tension.’ Sure, cuddles are on the table if you both wish, but no dating means less drama (No feared break-ups or potential friendship bust ups should the relationship fizzle, or worrying your best friend will realise they’ve become your heart’s desire. Cause. It. Won’t. Happen.)
And you both know it.
So in high school my gay/guy best friend, John and I were forever being told we acted (and disagreed, sometimes pushed each other’s buttons) like a married couple. To them it’s ’cause we seemed the perfect couple — we supposedly talked, walked, joked and connected like we were just ‘meant to be’ (‘how are you two not going out yet?’) while to us it was a hilarious joke that was all a lot of fun to bring up when hanging out alone.
4. Discussing crushes — celebrity or not. Discussing crushes — whether they be a celebrity or the guy you’re pining over and have loved for sooo long from school, the guy from the local classy clothes store, or a random on the train you’ll never see again but just HAVE a connection with, and attraction to — discussing crushes with your gay best friend in a way you can’t with your girl best friends or other guy best friends is great. They may agree they’re hot, (Yes! Fist pump!) but they’ll declare they’re all yours so it’s cool. And they can totally be your wingman. (They know guys, they know girls, so it’s better than any wing woman, right?!)
One day in year 12 with John, my current crush (who everyone at school knew liked me back) just happened to walk by (yeah so we just happened to be sitting near the oval where he and his friends often played football or soccer, but that’s beside the point) and John says to me ‘OMG. Damn. You two just had eye sex! Wow. That sexual tension. I felt it. And so did his friends. And everyone around…whether they know you two or not.’ ‘What?! What the hell is eye sex? You’re making that up, such a thing doesn’t exist!’ I exclaimed. ‘Oh yes it does and I’ll prove it’ he says, whipping out his phone and proving it does, in fact, exist…and that’s what I had just shared with said guy.
5. They can be your fake boyfriend.
On the other hand, they can totally fill in and be your fake ‘boyfriend’ whenever you may need. Okay, so this isn’t so great when you’re around an unbelievably hot stranger who thinks you’re dating, or you can just TELL your crush is starting to wonder about you two, but what about when you’re just not quite into a guy or find them getting the wrong impression? Or just don’t fully want to hit them with the ‘I’m just not interested’ and be nicer about it? Orrr, when someone just won’t get the hint? Along comes your gay best friend (turned fake ‘boyfriend.’) And, chances are, it’s their idea and they’re the first ones to ‘make a move.’ Perfect! Now it’s easier for all involved.
Sometimes at the local shopping centre I’ve had groups of guys (either my age or up to five years younger mind you) follow me from store to store a few paces behind staring creepily, wanting to talk but hoping I do so first (which is just not going to happen).
One time in particular, John walked into the current store at the perfect moment, walking right up to me, hugging me, kissing me check and grabbing for my hand before shooting a look at said teeny boppers (group of thirteen year olds) — putting an end to their chase there and then.
6. Shopping is a win-win for both of you.
Now I’m really NOT ‘girly,’ and am certainly more of a self-professed ‘tomboy,’ but going shopping with them means getting a rather different experience than going shopping with your girl ‘squad.’ They tend to always like shopping more than you, but you get to help them choose clothes and be their stylist! And when you need to go clothes shopping, they will always tell you straight up if you look ‘hot or not’ and what suits best — and for that I am thankful, I mean I tend to hate shopping, so don’t find it too great when I have second thoughts AFTER making a purchase (because that just means back to the shop I go, and more time in the small, stuffy change rooms! Thanks, but no thanks.)
Many times John and have gone shopping for him it (*Urgent call from John* ‘What are you doing right now? I’m freaking out. It’s important and I need you! I need new clothes. So I need your help. Yes, yes again…You’ll come? Great, thanks! Crisis averted.’) soon turns into a fashion parade at his favourite store, Roger David.
One time he literally paraded around the middle of the walk-in-robe style change room in clothes I either chose for him, or helped him choose. (Him: ‘What about this colour? Or this pattern?’) He had a selection of many shoes, jumpers, shorts and skinny jeans and walked out two hours later, both hands full of almost every item he’d tried on.